Alien Rant

Please don’t blame me for this post. Go Figure Reads director, Walter Bego has proven to me on several occasions that he’s as crappy a writer as he is an administrator. Now he wants to prove it to the world. This is an edit cut from his constantly revised and never released sci fi book, WEEMS (available sometime after 2035.) He cut this out because it makes his bad novel even worse, but he thinks you should read it because…

Well, maybe Walt just doesn’t like people.

As I understand it, the point of this is that far from Gene Roddenberry’s vision of a United Federation of Planets where nine out of ten significant folks are human – we earthlings would be considered the galactic rubes in any gathering of self-respecting aliens.

Or maybe dopes – like me for putting Walt’s crap on my blog.

Well, here it is…

“I really don’t think so.” She struggled with how much she should say, even to a trusted friend like Phar. “The Kauntral has always solved their problems militarily and I’m afraid it’s clouded their judgment. I fear we’re making a terrible mistake. And then to bring in humans…”

Phar said nothing for a moment. He knew the problems she had encountered on earth. “Don’t you think five years is long enough to hold a grudge?”

“It’s not a grudge. These people just get on my nerves.” Khana didn’t like sounding childish but she couldn’t help herself. “They can’t even settle on a name for their species. Sometimes they’re called humans, then earthlings, then Terrans, then man, which isn’t even a plural word, then they say “mankind!” To make matters worse many of them insist on being called by extinct tribal designations and these names make no sense whatsoever! One calls himself a Frenchman another an African or a Russian or a Guatemalan. So these suffixes man, ican, ian, and an are all supposed to mean the same thing? As if that’s not enough they have tribal groupings. The Russian will tell you that he and the Frenchman are Europeans but the others aren’t. Then the Frenchman will say the Russian’s not really a European at all. All the time they ignore the fact than some of these terms don’t even apply to the female of the species – ludicrous! Then there are the Scots, Scottish and Scotch which are supposed to be interchangeable except one is a vile beverage very popular on Fural.”

“As the Pulids tell us, ‘the least worthy are usually self obsessed.’ At least the humans aren’t responsible for this war. But speaking of obsessions, if this Scottish wasn’t so popular on Fural, maybe we wouldn’t be having this problem?”

“You don’t believe that anymore than I do Phar. Besides, it wasn’t a beverage that started their plague; it was a psychotropic virus exposed to a recreational inhalant. But the Tropes were going to do this eventually. They’re just too big and too mean not to push other people around.”

So – that’s a snippet from Walter Bego’s recycle bin.

No, I didn’t get it either.

But then again, I'm a human like...