Showing posts with label Kiss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kiss. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

A Slay on Words


The proper response to a pun is an ursine growl, whether you can bear the hulaBaloo, or it makes you want to cave. If the pun comes from your cub, don’t let it give you hives. If it comes from your sweet honey, just let it bee. If you friend Nate tells a pun, you might through a few prickles his way, but then be polite and say, “Hi burr Nate!”
Does a bear crap in the woods? I don’t know, but all the following picture puns were crapped on FaceBook, and not a single one from my paw…

(or my maul, for that matter.)
Pun humor didn't start with animals but they are now infected.
This might explain it.
Yeah, cows are now good humor intolerant.
And it's passed on to each generation.
Not surprisingly, domestic animals are afflicted.
Though some domestic animals are too smart for me to understand how.
But let's face it; we humans are the source of this infection.
It might have started with our mating rituals.
Which we pass on to our young.
It affects professions like criminology.
And medicine.
Which even spreads to non-animate objects.
Which in turn might affect politics.
Even the planet is shaped by it.
And energy as well.
And if you want to escape it - I'm afraid there's...



   Then again - maybe it all started with the bears after all.








Monday, May 13, 2013

Short Kisses

May 13, 2013
Editors note: Due to complaints from Homeland Security (apparently this blog contributes to the perception of decadence in American society,) Just Plain Stupid will be presenting shorter (hopefully less idiotic) posts.
Headley: What? I have 1250 words ready!
Make it 250.
Huh?
You’ve used 7.
Okay… here’s a story.

Bob and Julia are in love. Bob sidles over to where Julia perches expectantly. He sticks out his chest in a masculine fashion, and Julia looks duly impressed. Bob is a fine specimen, and she knows it.
But he thinks the same of her and he gently rubs against her. She lets out a delighted twitter. He leans over lovingly, and Julia knows this is the moment – the first time. Her mouth opens slightly, invitingly. Bob’s proud head descends. He pauses a moment. Anticipation ripples through his body. Then he takes the promised kiss, sweetly, though rapidly – they are new to love, to sharing.
Thanks for half your worm,” he twitters.
You’re welcome, My Love,” she trills, and then flies off to search for more.
I told you they were Cardinals, right?
 
Well blame Homeland Security if you don’t like the shortcuts.

I’ve never understood kissing. For me, kissing was something that was taught, not instinctual – similar to not peeing in the living room.

I’ve got that one down.

“Kiss your Aunt Herpurbola, Headley.”
“Couldn’t we shake hands?”
“Kiss your Aunt Herpurbola!”
Aunt Herpurbola smelled of Haley’s MO and prunes – not a great introduction to the practice of kissing. I think my first girlfriend resented me holding my nose while I kissed her. People can be touchy.
But then I saw these cardinals, and kissing made sense. I’m ready to try it! If it’s a really hot date, waffles…

That is all.

Homeland Security
Nothing to see here

Move along