Slushy
the Frosty/White Witch Love Child
by Headley Hauser
Slushy waved his magic carrot. Ice appeared on Mister and Missus
Badger’s muzzles. Magically, Slushy was a one trick pony – he
had no encore.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that, Slushy,” said Missus Badger after
melting the icicles with a sip of hot chocolate.
“I wish I could do more,” said Slushy.
“Do you mean like creating delightful treats for all the little
children?”
“No, like making it always winter, but never Christmas.”
“Slushy!” said Missus Badger. Mister Badger was still struggling
with his icicles. He had more whiskers and hot chocolate was not
an option due to his lactose intolerance.
“What?” asked Slushy with an exaggerated shrug. “My mom was
one of the greatest mages in history. Is it so wrong for me to want
to be more like her?”
“Both of your parents were magical,” said Mister Badger, now free
of most of his icicles except a few that threatened to poke
Slushy in the eye. Mister Badger was not a great respecter of
persona space.
“Sure,” said Slushy, “Dad was magical, as long as he stole
property for magicians, but what could he do? He could dance, sing,
play, and apparently impregnate an occasional sorceress. Mom was the
bad ass in the family. I’d rather be like her. For one thing, she
was never out of a job. Ever since Frozen came out, Hollywood’s
been up to its arm pits in dancing snow guys.”
“But Frosty’s magic was just as powerful in its own way,”
insisted Missus Badger. “He brought out the joy of Christmas for
children everywhere.”
“So,” said Slushy, “you think I should use him as a wonderful
role model?”
“Yes!” said Mister Badger aggressively, and so close to Slushy’s
face that it was obvious he’d been into the holiday brandy.
“Let’s think about this role model,” said Slushy. “He was a
chain-smoking pipe enthusiast who clearly had some snow tackle, cause
he used it to knock up Mom, but he danced around with a bunch of
small children in nothing but a top hat, a pair of boots, and a
scarf. Maybe Mom was bit on the evil side, but she wasn’t a
deviant.”
“Your mother denied Christmas to a whole generation of talking
animals,” sputtered Mister Badger, inadvertently flinging the last
ice sickle into Missus Badger’s cocoa. “I didn’t have
Christmas until after Missus Badger and I had our first litter, and
her father and that lion fellow forced me to marry her.”
“Mister Badger!” said Missus Badger, visibly blushing beneath her
fur.
“Say,” said Slushy, “I just thought of something. How did they
meet?”
“What?” snorted Mister Badger. “Missus Badger’s father was
always trailing along after that lion fellow.”
“No,” said Slushy, “how did my parents meet?”
“You don’t know, Dear?” said Missus Badger.
“No.”
“Well,” said Mister Badger, “I’d think it was obvious.
Frosty and the White Witch both like the cold. If you’re really
curious, we’ll just ask Frosty when he appears next Christmas.”
“That’s my point,” said Slushy. “Dad only appears at
Christmas. Mom’s spell made it always winter, but never
Christmas.”
“Oh my!” exclaimed Missus Badger.
So... What now? Any ideas?
All Disney movies should be in Japanese!
