Happy New Hampshire primary day. I'd ask when this political season will end, but 12.3 seconds after we elect someone this November, the 2020 political season will begin, so...
The heck with it. Let's just do a bunch of puns.
Star Wars has been popular since the last pun post.
Here are a couple spoilers from little-known parts of the movie
He convinces us to take our shoes off by the power of his mind
Hopefully she has a better air handling system. Speaking of which, have you met...
Vlad the Inhaler. Okay, that wasn't star wars, but air-related, like this next one
And speaking of bad air -
Sorry for the politics... You just can't excape it unless you're...
There's a long tradition of animal stand-up
So bad the whole species died on that stage. Maybe due to...
What? You didn't like that one?
Books change the way your head works. Sometimes too much
Shifting to a cultural reference - How about this one?
You lose the castle, there's always...
Poor Richard might not have had the best claim to the throne because
It's important to know where you came from and who you are...
Alright - one last pun to wishing Happy Valentine's Day to smart people
No, I don't get it either.
Here's a British weather forecast crammed with Star Wars references. How many can you catch?
So I'm looking up pictures of all the T-Shirts I wanted to include in this post and I found everyone but, - Intelligence is Key! Apparently you're locked out...
I can't help wondering if there's a message in that.
Starting out with some iconic figures.
I knew Tolkien got it somewhere.
And they thought it was just a typo
Che Chimp
And make sure the horse is sober too.
Okay - it's not a t-shirt... yet.
Here's a couple that made me hungry
How did that slip by?
And how did I miss that!
Oh... That's how
And speaking of brain failure
End of the dino reign (spelling?)
I'm so old now, that I don't even recognize it.
Yeah
Some folks ask when I'll ever get around to being funny
I'm getting tired of the crabby whiners.
I was wondering why cats are more popular than dogs these days
Can't argue with that.
It might work
Okay - some jobs you should hate.
I forgot what point I was trying to make, but I hope that clears it all up.
Speaking of clarity issues - this was a popular short 80 years ago. Can anyone tell me why?
For those expecting the fifth installment of chapter 7 (Batwings and
Strangers) from Trouble in Taos, I… Well, I guess I don’t really
apologize – though that would sound polite; I hate to be
disingenuous (and what then does ingenuous mean?)
For those expecting the fifth yada, yada, yada – I don’t care.
It’s my blog. I’m still not over being called stupid in its
title, and it hasn’t been a great weekend, so learn some patience
and stop bothering me. The fifth installment will happen on
Thursday, unless I get interrupted again, which I probably will
because I just feel contrary right now.
The reason for this interruption (as you probably guessed from the
title) has to do with my imaginary friends. Imaginary friends get a
bad rap in society. They’re much more loyal than real people, they
ask great questions, and they never get on you about the crumbs on
your sweater.
My assembly of IFs (I have quite a few,) wanted to know about the
first version of Johnny Comes Marching Home alluded to in the
forth installment of Batwings and Strangers – or the next blog
entry down on your browser – Oog Got Bit by a Dinosaur.
Dutifully, I did extensive imaginary research for my similarly
imaginary friends (another thing they don’t get on you about.) I
discovered that the Legend of Oog (as it is referred to by imaginary
scholars,) has been preserved in two locations: The Puritan
Department of Ridiculous Antiquities, and Dominican Archives of the
Depravity of Man. The two facilities agree on most details, but
differ on the last word.
The PDRA claims the last word in the song is ‘nose.’ Puritans,
though happy to burn witches, and slaughter the Irish are squeamish
when it comes to rude language.
The DADM claims the last word of the song is, ‘butt.’ Dominicans,
though they have a strong scholarly tradition, and great experience
torturing Jews and Muslims, have an unfortunate tendency towards
euphemism.
So, with a certain level of imaginary confidence, I present to you
the imaginary authoritative original words to the first version of
any song sung to the tune of Johnny Comes Marching Home.
‘Stead he raised his arms; now
they ain’t there no more
And the whole cave’s laughing
‘Cause now he can’t scratch
his ass.
One of the things this imaginary research confirmed was that cave
persons were strong on slapstick humor, but not quite as strong on
compassion, as the celebrated scholar of antiquities, Mel Brooks
illustrated in the following clips.
So… Thursday, I’ll get back to Batwings and Strangers.
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