After a rude
interruption, we return to Dirk Destroyer’s Less Destructive
Brother. I should note for those who read last Friday’s post that
I hold no animosity or blame for Judy Oregano who labored hard to
make this a better story. As a matter of fact, I’m grateful to
her.
My feelings
about Walter Bego may differ.
Anyway, back to
Elmer and the Fellowship of the Bring.
Chapter 13
Grand Prize Give-Away!
Tease skipped off somewhere – probably to the showers, and the rest
of us clambered out of the cave, because we couldn’t figure out a
way to get out without clambering. I’m not usually in favor of
clambering when climbing, or slipping, or jumping will do, but there
are times in people’s lives – especially people who live eight
thousand years, when only clambering will get the job done.
So we clambered until we were out of the cave. Then we stopped
clambering, and I hoped there’d be no need to clamber again in the
near future.
“I don’t much like clambering,” said Mage-e-not.
I had to agree.
“Little help,” sang Lustavious in a voice less full and buoyant
than normal. Though the Light Bringer had managed to clamber
admirably, he had done it one-armed as his non-clambering arm was
still pointing up with a two-inch flame burning at the end its index
finger.
Ono and I helped ease his arm down while Mage-e-not extinguished the
flaming finger.
“Wow,” said Mage-e-not, “your whole hand is hot.”
“That’s why I stopped hiring out for parties,” said Lustavious
who then crumpled down to the ground, as crumpling seemed to be the
proper act for someone so exhausted…
Never mind about the appropriateness of his crumpling or of his
earlier one-armed clambering - he ended up on the ground, and was
asleep in moments.
“He’s snoring,” said Ono, “I’ll peep for splish, splash,
splosh.”
Forty-nine point seven percent of me demanded that I volunteer to go
with her, but the remaining fifty point six percent (some voter
irregularities occur in every election,) decided that I would be
pushing my luck. Jonma Claim and Jonma Carry walked off discussing
something called senate procedures.
I looked around for All Bore. He was still in the cave looking out
balefully. “I will continue my crusade to save the planet,” he
said.
“You’re going to do it in there?” I asked.
“Too many honey bees out in the sunlight,” he replied.
I almost said that I was sad to see him go, but the same fifty point
six percent of me which had shown such disappointing discretion in
the matter of Ono and her shower, showed less disappointing
discretion in keeping me from saying anything that might keep All
Bore hanging around.
After an awkward silence, he turned around and stepped deeper into
the earth.
“So,” said Mage-e-not, who was now my only conscious companion,
“any more of those little sausages?”
“No,” I said. “But if we can find a stream I can make you an
algae bar.”
Mage-e-not made a face that would have looked better if it had been
invisible. “Any other ideas?”
“Ideas?”
“Ono said you got the sausages supernaturally. Maybe you could go
back to the supernaturalmarket and get more?”
“That’s possible,” I said, “but I’ll need my bag.”
“I don’t like being shirtless,” said Mage-e-not.
“It’s no thrill for any of us,” I said, “but do you prefer
being hungry? Then again, the algae bar offer still stands.”
Mage-e-not muttered something as he removed his shirt. Perhaps as a
reflex, his head disappeared. It was a shame the rest of his body
was still visible.
I smiled as I considered two possibilities. Maybe the cigars I
sacrificed were still lying where I left them. Maybe I could find
matches. I blessed my ancient, but still intact male insecurities as
I dissolved myself into the school of amazing stuff.
So that’s the
end of Chapter 13. For those of you wondering why this chapter was
entitled, Grand Prize Give-Away, you can blame Walter Bego for the
lack of any explanation.
Elmer isn't the only one of two minds,
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