Maybe we have too much time on our hands... Back in my day - nearly every jackolantern looked like this.
I say nearly because the ones I carved tended to look more like -
But suddenly, that's not good enough. Jackolanterns have replaced Cadillacs and trophy wives in the search for status in modern suburbia. Now these abused pumpkins must make a statement. What's interesting is what statement they make.
Of course you have the traditional scary theme - though more skillfully rendered than my 'many holes of death' effort above.
Cannibalism is always a good choice.
Is this even a pumpkin?
Didn't I see this one on Scobby Doo?
Is the horror that he's trapped in a pumpkin - or that he's getting out?
Here's a Jack Jackolantern. Red Rum.
Here's a whole tableau. I wonder how many pumpkins they ruined cutting that hanging rope.
Some eschew (not sure what that word means, but I've always wanted to use it,) the horror theme and just concentrate on the art.
I suppose if you were a 10th century Britain this would be scary.
Oh No! It's a Washington DC based sports franchise!
Sometimes the art goes overboard.
A plant mascaraing as a... different plant.
Do you have a job to go to?
Have you slept since August?
Have you even stopped to poop this month?
The cutesy theme has been involved in Halloween ever since we agreed to give toddlers candy - but maybe it's time to turn it down a notch.
No, really - it's the carousel from hell! Look at the angry ponies!
I still don't know who this ubiquitous Hello Kitty is - but maybe it's time to put her in a shelter.
What do you bet some 7-year-old smashes this 15 hours of work with his light saber?
The rest of these came because FB friend SDN posted this theme this morning - Honest I was going to do jackolanterns anyway! Is it nostalgia, or are the retired hippies looking for something to do? How did this become a Halloween theme?
That's right - the micro-bus.
Guaranteed to break down.
Especially on the way to beach.
Or if you we silly enough to attach a trailer.
Now we come to the two scariest of them all.
I've got none to spare - put down that spoon!
The rabbit or Caerbannog. Where's a holy hand grenade when you need one?
Here's a Halloween appropriate video from the people of College Humor
I’ve had it before, and god help me, I’ll probably have it again.
I shouldn’t complain; most people have to deal with the same thing
– I have a job.
Jobs have only one redeeming benefit – money. With money, I can
buy goods and services, including Pop Tarts,
and gas for the Yugo.
Unfortunately, jobs have many detriments including 1) wasted time 2)
raised expectations from creditors 3) increased difficulty in
free-loading on others and 4) E.J.I. (enforced jerk interaction.)
Sick days bring a respite. Unfortunately my current boss,
Whipcracker Toliver, has memorized the WebbMD website, and it’s
getting harder to find an illness to pass muster with him.
This morning I tried a different tack. I called work.
Whipcracker: Tote that Bail Bondage Services. This
is Whip Toliver. How may our employees serve you?
Headley: Mr. Toliver, I have some sad news.
Whipcracker: What is it now, Headley?
Headley: Yes sir, I’m calling about
Headley Hauser. He’s dead.
Whipcracker: Am I not talking to Headley right now?
Headley: No sir, this is Doctor Mumblefuss.
I just happen to sound a lot like him.
Whipcracker: I see, Doctor Mumblefuss. This of
course is a terrible tragedy. I’m sure Headley’s coworkers will
be deeply saddened. I wonder if he knew before he passed on, that if
I report his death to social services, he’ll no longer be eligible
for unemployment or food stamps.
Headley: (pause) Maybe I should try the
shock thingies.
Whipcradker: Yes, Doctor, do try the shock
thingies, and if you manage to resurrect Headley, remind him that
it’s his turn to bring in coffee this morning.
I’m not sure, but I think he was on to me. Next time, I gotta find
someone else to play Doctor Mumblefuss.
Cral and I used to do a song about work in our spectacularly ignored
act: Headley and the Rug (and Cral) Hit the Road. I apologize that
there’s no tune for you, but there really wasn’t much of one even
when Cral and I did it. All the Xs are for hand claps.
Love
my Job
words and
kinda music by Headley Hauser
I
need to go away XX I need to go away XX xxxx
I
need to go away XX I need to go away XX xxxx
This
place makes me shake xxxxxxx
This
place makes my belly ache xx
This
place gives me things I don’t need xx
I
need x I need x I need
I
need to go away XX I need to go away XX xxxx
I
need to go away XX I need to go away XX xxxx
This
place makes me work xxxxxxx
This
place makes me deal with a jerk xx
This
place gives me things I don’t need xx
I
need x I need x I need
(go up a
step)
I
need to go away XX I need to go away XX xxxx
I
need to go away XX I need to go away XX xxxx
This
place gives me grief xxxxxxx
This
place is just beyond belief xx
Tell
my boss that I NEED TO GO!
I
need x I need x
I
need to leave
I’d tell you it was much better live
– but there was a reason we were spectacularly ignored. Here’s a
vid of someone who’s actually pretty funny.
