Just Plain Stupid Year (3) in Review

I know, it’s February, not December. Putting together a year in review post seems out of place.

But not in a Just Plain Stupid world.

My first post for JPS was February 28^th 2013. There are now over 300 posts on this blog, and I, for one, am surprised. I never thought I had so much to say, even if most of it was useless dribble.

This Year’s Failures

The dribble has flowed slower this year, and so I began the immensely unpopular serialization of Dirk Destroyer’s Less Destructive Brother. S.B. and someone I don’t know from Russia faithfully read each post of Dirk, so it hobbles along. If you’re off your meds and wish to start reading this Donald Trump-less political satire set in a world inundated by sheep, here’s a link to the firstinstallment, and better yet, here’s a link to the firstinstallment that has anything to do with the story.

Several posts other than Dirk Destroyer have failed to attract attention this year; many because they didn’t deserve any, but a few I thought were worth reading. Tricycle Baskets Full of Evil falls in that latter category, along with Apply Yourself, and the not-yet-immortal story of Mortimer the Drop of Goo.

This Year’s Successes???

Picture posts – those stolen from FB, or taken from tee shirts or catalogs have always been among my more popular subjects, along with guest posts from other Go Figure Reads writers.

So I should just shut up and plagiarize?

Particularly surprising was the popularity of Will Wright’s rant about his bad cruise on Royal Caribbean, but less surprising was Walter Bego’s lionization of the art of Terry Gilliam.

Unfortunately for my more faithful readers, I remain incapable to taking a hint. I continue to write a few posts with a minimum of plagiarism, and some of them have done well (if sickening large numbers of people can be defined as doing well.)

Gloves vs. Mittens preyed on the public’s fascination with celebrity, and I exploited my brother’s secrets in the post, Horatio.

Clearly, many of my readers would prefer Horatio to be the Hauser that writes this blog.

The top post of this third year, Body Part Insults (written with assistance by Kim Webb,) was based on an ill-advised Facebook post of a Grammy award nominated FB friend who probably wishes now that A) she hadn’t posted her desire to not insult our noble excretory system when addressing jerks, and (especially) B) that she hadn’t clicked ‘accept’ to my friend request.

But even Body Parts can’t hold a candle to the most popular post of the life of this blog, Basketball, BWG, but no Little Debbie Twinkie, which I wrote very early on in the first year.

So much for showing progress.

I’d like to thank you each personally for reading my blog, but I don’t want to risk the ensuing storm of rotten vegetation (or worse.) As we limp into year Four there’s always the hope that somewhere along the line I’ll learn to write good stuff.

Or at least learn to shut up and plagiarize.

So for the video I looked up Best of 2015 on youtube and got this.  These are toys, right?

Royal Caribbean by Will Wright

Will Wright – who can be a bit of a whiner wanted me to post his experience on a cruise he just did. Sorry for the downer, but when you’re looking for material for two posts a week, you get desperate for content.

Headley

Royal Caribbean

by Will Wright

I just finished a 5 day (?) cruise on Royal Caribbean’s Enchantment of the Sea. I’d never been on a cruise before but I’d heard people rave about them. I went having high expectations. Some of my expectations were met. For instance I expected the live entertainment to be terrible and the cruise director’s announcements to be insipidly cutesy.

But some things I experienced I didn’t expect.

1) They offer a room safe to keep your valuables secure. Then they require you to swipe your credit card to open and close it. How are you supposed to keep your credit card secure if you can’t leave it in the safe?

2) I look in the bathroom at the tiny shower. It has mold growing on it. Am I supposed to get clean in a shower so tiny that I have to lean against walls with mold on them?

3) They have a hundred lounge chairs for relaxing on the pool deck. All of them are packed tightly. The only lounge chairs you can get into easily are the ones on each end of the row. That doesn’t sound very relaxing to me.

4) The ship has a library for quiet reading or composition. There’s a band playing a bad imitation of Village People music just over the rail. There isn’t even a wall to soak up the sound. I didn’t get any reading or writing done there.

5) I’m thirsty at 9PM and I check the interactive map in the stairwell. It says the Windjammer Annex is open 24 hours a day. I go up 6 decks and it’s open alright – but all the cups are put away. Am I supposed to drink lemonade out of my hand?

6) The fifth day of my 5 day cruise consists of getting off the ship before 9AM. I’m on vacation and they want me packed, showered and off the ship an hour before I want to wake up?

7) I learned something nautical. I found out what a bilge smells like. It came up through the drains in my tiny bathroom.

8) They advertise movie night on the pool deck. No popcorn. No drinks available. Check that – the bar was open if I wanted to buy a drink.

9) Internet was available for 20 dollars-a-day. It worked almost a third of the time if you went up to the top deck. Sorry – no power outlets on the top deck.

10) They charge you 12.95 a day to take care of all the tips. I’m not even on the ship and the luggage porters have their hands out and demand a tip. Then they steal my sister’s folding cane from out of her suitcase!

Maybe I’m too picky. Maybe I went on a cut-rate cruise, or Royal Caribbean is the Yugo of cruise lines. Maybe I should give it another try.

Or maybe next year I’ll just rent a waterbed and tip a dishonest luggage handler to annoy me all week.

   Two of the highly professional Royal Caribbean staff enjoying some down time in their moldy bathtub.