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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Royal Caribbean by Will Wright

Will Wright – who can be a bit of a whiner wanted me to post his experience on a cruise he just did. Sorry for the downer, but when you’re looking for material for two posts a week, you get desperate for content.

Royal Caribbean
by Will Wright

I just finished a 5 day (?) cruise on Royal Caribbean’s Enchantment of the Sea. I’d never been on a cruise before but I’d heard people rave about them. I went having high expectations. Some of my expectations were met. For instance I expected the live entertainment to be terrible and the cruise director’s announcements to be insipidly cutesy.
But some things I experienced I didn’t expect.
1) They offer a room safe to keep your valuables secure. Then they require you to swipe your credit card to open and close it. How are you supposed to keep your credit card secure if you can’t leave it in the safe?
2) I look in the bathroom at the tiny shower. It has mold growing on it. Am I supposed to get clean in a shower so tiny that I have to lean against walls with mold on them?
3) They have a hundred lounge chairs for relaxing on the pool deck. All of them are packed tightly. The only lounge chairs you can get into easily are the ones on each end of the row. That doesn’t sound very relaxing to me.
4) The ship has a library for quiet reading or composition. There’s a band playing a bad imitation of Village People music just over the rail. There isn’t even a wall to soak up the sound. I didn’t get any reading or writing done there.
5) I’m thirsty at 9PM and I check the interactive map in the stairwell. It says the Windjammer Annex is open 24 hours a day. I go up 6 decks and it’s open alright – but all the cups are put away. Am I supposed to drink lemonade out of my hand?
6) The fifth day of my 5 day cruise consists of getting off the ship before 9AM. I’m on vacation and they want me packed, showered and off the ship an hour before I want to wake up?
7) I learned something nautical. I found out what a bilge smells like. It came up through the drains in my tiny bathroom.
8) They advertise movie night on the pool deck. No popcorn. No drinks available. Check that – the bar was open if I wanted to buy a drink.
9) Internet was available for 20 dollars-a-day. It worked almost a third of the time if you went up to the top deck. Sorry – no power outlets on the top deck.
10) They charge you 12.95 a day to take care of all the tips. I’m not even on the ship and the luggage porters have their hands out and demand a tip. Then they steal my sister’s folding cane from out of her suitcase!
Maybe I’m too picky. Maybe I went on a cut-rate cruise, or Royal Caribbean is the Yugo of cruise lines. Maybe I should give it another try.

Or maybe next year I’ll just rent a waterbed and tip a dishonest luggage handler to annoy me all week.

   Two of the highly professional Royal Caribbean staff enjoying some down time in their moldy bathtub.