Monday Morning Quarterback (and Andy Benoit) recently ranked the top 400 players in the NFL. In addition it ranked the QB position of each of the 32 teams, so that even those passers that didn’t make the top 400 got ranked relative to their fellow underachievers.
Of course, I can’t agree with all their rankings. Here’s how I see it.
1 Tom Brady. After what we saw in the third and fourth quarter last February, you can’t deny him. MMQB agrees.
2 Drew Brees. It’s not his fault that the Saints lose when he fails to put up 45 points. The amazing thing is that they don’t always lose. MMQB ranks him 6.
3 Ben Rothlisberger. He might be the ugliest QB in football, and not the nicest guy, but he’s the best QB the Steelers ever had. Heck, he’s the best the AFC North ever had. MMQB dittos that at 3.
4 Aaron Rogers. When he’s motivated, he’s as good as anybody, but the last few seasons he seems to take the first month of the season off. I’m not thrilled with his playoff record either. MMQB has him at 2. I think we might both be over-rating him.
5 Derek Carr. Maybe I’m jumping the gun on this guy, but I think he’s the real deal. Do you think the 2016 Raiders would have lost to the Texans if he’d been available? MMQB has him at 10.
6 Andrew Luck. All the worst bits about Aaron Rogers combined with a GM that sees no reason to field a team if he’s got a stud at quarterback. Still, he has ability. MMQB says he’s number 5.
7 Russell Wilson. Yeah the Seahawks aren’t happy about that interception 2 years ago, but who listens to Richard Sherman anyway? MMQB says he’s 12.
8 Matt Ryan. He was MVP in 2016, you say? Cam Newton was MVP in ’15, how’d that project the following year? He’s a top ten QB, but not a top five – unless you listen to MMQB who put him at 4.
9 Cam Newton. He’s not as good as Cam 2015, but I don’t think he’s as bad as Cam 2016. MMQB thinks he’s the 2016 Cam and rank him 14.
10 Matt Stafford. The last of the top ten. Detroit sighs in relief. “We didn’t want to over-pay for the eleventh best QB!” Buck up, Detroit. MMQB thinks he’s one better at 9.
11 Philip Rivers. MMQB thinks he’s the seventh best in the league. How can you tell when the Chargers constantly under-achieve? Weren’t the Giant’s wise to trade him and Shawne Merriman... and a starting tackle... and a kicker, so they could get…
12 Eli Manning. Yes, he has two Super Bowl rings. When he gets hot, he’s a terror, but how often does that happen? It’s been a while Eli. MMQB says 8, but I think that’s because they like his brother’s commercials.
13 Marcus Mariota. I worry about his durability, but I don’t doubt his non-dur ability. If he can stay healthy through January, we might see something from the Titans. MMQB is betting against that. They rank him 20.
14 Carson Palmer. I don’t like him in the playoffs, but the guy can put up numbers in the regular season with the best of them. What’s so great about that? What’s so great about being barely above average in the rankings? MMQB thinks he’s slightly more above average at 13.
15 Andy Dalton. Maybe Carson told Andy on his way out of Cincinnati, “Put on your best show in the regular season. You always want to leave ‘em wanting more.” MMQB seems to have left the theater. They put Dalton at 21.
16 Joe Flacco. Excuse me, that’s supposed to be, The Elite Joe Flacco. He sure had a wonderful post-season back in… MMQB must have a better memory than me. They still think he’s almost top ten. Eleven is elite, right?
17 Jameis Winston. These next few are tough to call. Am I seeing what I think I’m seeing? My guess is that the addition of O.J. Howard this year will tell us one way or another about Winston. MMQB has him a little higher at 15.
18 Tannehill/Cutler or maybe we should call him the RyanJay. Sounds like the bird that craps on your car each morning – just before you can move it. Has there ever been two guys in this league so connected with the word, potential? MMQB sees less potential than I do at 22.
19 Dak Prescott. He didn’t make many mistakes for a rookie, but he had a great line, big time receivers, and the league’s top running back. Maybe he’s just a game manager. Of course they said that about Brady in 2001. MMQB thought he managed pretty well and ranked him 17.
20 Carson Wentz. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. Maybe he’s better; maybe he’s not. Talk to me in three years. MMQB thinks his future is now – 16.
21 Kirk Cousins. No Kirk, I don’t like you now. Washington fans are going to hate you if you get a long-term contract for 30 million a year. MMQB doesn’t like you much better than I do – 19.
22 Sam Bradford. Gee, wasn’t he great at Oklahoma? Who knew that a man made of glass could fool GMs into giving him so much money? Sorry Sam, I see right through you. He’s a bit more opaque to MMQB who rank him 18.
23 Alex Smith. When Smith retires (which Mahomes thinks might be this year,) he should switch sports. Managers get a lot more respect in baseball. No good appealing to MMQB, Alex. They have you at 23 too.
24 Tyrod Taylor. He’s not a bad quarterback. He might not be a starting QB either if Pennington, Pennyworth, Peterson, - that kid from Pitt pans out. Sorry Tyrod, MMQB thinks you stink out loud, ranking you 30 – just behind the Jets. Ouch!
25 Trevor Siemion. He’s not a bad quarterback. Wait, I’ve done that bit already. MMQB says 24.
26 Brian Hoyer. He’ll give you all he’s got. If Lucy ever played it straight holding the ball, Charlie Brown might have grown up to be Brian Hoyer. MMQB says 25.
27 Blake Bortles. Yuck! MMQB agrees.
28 Watson/Savage. MMQB and I agree here as well. This time it’s because we have no idea. Hey, it’s better than yuck.
29 Glennon/Trubisky. I’d pick a starter, but the Bears aren’t tellin’. Should we care? MMQB cares a little more at 26.
30 DeShone Kizer or a player to be named later. If he survives the season, Cleveland might have a little hope… Sorry, it’s just cruel to say such things. MMQB ranks him/them dead last.
31 Jared Goof, I mean, Goff. The Rams are still trying to convince us they have a franchise QB. MMQB isn’t fooled either – 31. Maybe Roman Gabriel is available.
Then there’s the Jets who may be planning on suiting up a JUGS machine at QB and see if anyone notices.
And now the saddest vid in football