Since I started this blog in 2013, I’ve maintained a file of
pictures I’ve used in the blog. One of the folders in that file is
labeled “Re-use.” A few of the graphics in re-use have been
re-used, such as the excerpt banner and the shrugging question mark
that I frame the Dirk Destroyer passages in each Friday.
But most of the re-use stuff just sits there. So today and next
Tuesday I will re-use the re-usals, or whatever the occupants of the
said folder should be called. So how do I split the pictures? Let's do it cute
and less cute.
Okay, that's actually me. I might have been wearing a mask - hard to tell, but the Pop Tarts are very cute.
You think Pop Tarts aren't cute?
Changing your tune, now? Baby animals do that.
When they're on parade.
When they're afraid.
When they're asleep.
Even when they get pushy.
And some animals never grow up.
Just like humans. All babies are cute.
Though some act strange.
And maybe a little creepy.
Alright, enough of this guy.
But cuteness comes in all ages.
Some times it's a mind set.
Even a great mind set.
And non-traditional fashionistas.
Like these two friends of mine from up north.
And the head of their secret police. Too much cuteness. One more picture.
To drive this post home.
And now, in honor of Super Tuesday, A little Democrat Bad Lip Reading.
This year has been a revelation. Everything I thought I
knew about virtue, responsibility, leadership, and… personal
grooming has been stood on its oddly coiffed head in 2015. Now as we
come upon the season for creating New Year’s resolutions, I find
that this time-honored tradition has become outmoded.
“Why is this?” you may ask.
It’s all changed due to the unorthodox presidential
campaign of The Donald. Will inauguration day, 2017 bring us our
first White House reality show? If a mature republic chooses its
governance in such a fashion, it seems incumbent on me to bend with
the times. With a leader so unfettered, why should I create a list
restrictions and imperatives designed to make me a better person?
So, no New Year’s resolutions.
(Actually I do have one New
Year’s resolution. I resolve not to buy expensive presents for
children under 10. Instead, I will go to the local furniture and
appliance store, get the three largest boxes they’ll give me for
free, nest them, and put a Dollar Store toy inside.)
Putting that aside, this is my list of things I DON’T
resolve for 2016.
1) I don’t resolve to hold my temper.
Why should I? It’s not restraint and politeness that
impresses and wins, but bluster, blather, and bloviation. It doesn’t
matter what you say. It doesn’t matter what tone you use. What
matters is that you say whatever comes into your head LOUDER than the
other person.
2) I don’t resolve to apologize when I’m wrong.
I never realized before, but a person is never wrong if
he or she sticks to his guns and never backs down. Facts be damned!
Be a hero!
3) I don’t resolve to work out more.
I almost learned this from President Bill Clinton, but
then he went on a diet.
(What
a waffler!)
The Donald is pudgy, and no one says a word.
VLACAYCEB! (Viva
la Atlantic City all-you-can-eat buffet.)
And on a related note…
4) I don’t resolve to pay attention to my personal
grooming.
Any questions?
5) I don’t resolve to stay true to my commitments.
In 1979, The Donald supported Carter’s reelection.
Then he was a firm supporter of Reagan.
He supported Bush, but then
was (in hindsight)
a supporter of Bill Clinton, so much so that he later ran a fund raiser for Hillary Clinton's Senate bid.
In 2008 he endorsed Newt Gingrich,
Mitt
Romney,
John McCain,
and finally Barack Obama.
Now he’s promising
not to run third party if he’s not the Republican nominee
(tee-hee,
good one, Donald.)
This philosophy of firm commitment to whatever direction the wind
blows
is really liberating!
6) I don’t resolve to make my positions clear.
If a debt-collector asks me what I’m going to do
about my over-due credit card bill, I’ll tell him unequivocally
that debt is bad. I’ll tell him that I’ll be hard-nosed about
it. I’ll tell him that I’m the only credit card holder out there
that’s truly qualified to bring this balance under control. I’ll
be firm. I’ll speak loudly. I might pound my fist a time or two,
and then I’ll hang up.
That’ll solve the problem!
7) I don’t resolve to prepare myself for my job.
Nuance schmooance! I’m particularly impressed with
The Donald’s positions on foreign policy. ISIS won’t dare cross
him. Mexico will gladly pay for our boarder control. China and Russia will do
precisely what he damn-well tells them to do!
All this time I’ve
worried about my readers wanted – trying to be funny, trying not to
offend. I’ve been a total a suck-up! People will now read my blog
and buy my books because I’VE DECIDED THAT THEY WILL!!!!! Trouble In TaosVolition ManCinder
Who would have guessed it was so easy? I’m so
grateful to Mr. Trump for setting me straight on all this. I feel
free (in
an angry and curmudgeonly way.)
Oh, and just one more.
8) I don’t resolve to vote for Donald Trump in
2016.
If you want details of the The Donald's policies, you need to talk to his two top advisers.
