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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Tee Shirts

Long fiction can get to be a bit much sometimes. Sometimes Reader’s Digest seems a bit wordy. Comic books today seem to have a lot more words in them than they did when I was a kid. Flash fiction is 100 words? Can we cut that down a bit?

T-shirts! That’s a genre I can handle – short enough to put two or three on a single Twitter feed (whatever that is.) I like bumper stickers, but I like T-shirts more for the following reasons.

1) T-shirts rarely cut you off in traffic.

2) T-shirts might run away from you, but rarely at 80MPH.

3) Bumper stickers give you an excuse to look at a woman’s license plate…

A year ago (or so,) Bethlehem Writers Group asked me to give them a Top Ten list along with a story for their monthly newsletter. Of course they didn’t pay me anything (I don’t know why I keep hoping.) I gave them my…

Top Ten T-Shirt Messages.

(or how to make up a blog post without writing your own stuff)

10 I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

9 Sometimes I laugh so hard tears run down my leg.

8 Franklin Watt: Blind Gunfighter “Let me hear you draw your gun.” (promotional item from that incredible novella Trouble in Taos by Headley Hauser. Book 1 of the Genre Series. Available on Amazon and at

7 We all think we’re mature until someone pulls out the bubble wrap.

6 I AM LOST – I’ve gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

5 I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun.

4 If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay in the yard.

3 I still like Ike (from that incredible novella, Volition Man by Headley Hauser – Book 2 of the Genre Series, complete, ready to go, and DELAYED by the fine people of Go Figure Reads)

2 Vice Presidents are like Slinkies… They’re really good for nothing… but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

1 HOW TO HANDLE STRESS LIKE A DOG If you can’t eat, or play with it, then pee on it, and walk away.


Since that time, I’ve seen a few more I’ve come across a few more that may, or may not have cracked my Top Ten.

Honorable (or not) Mention

Even Duct Tape Can’t Fix Stupid. But… It Can Muffle The Sound.

All Those Who Believe in Telekinesis, Raise My Hand.

Diplomacy: The art of telling someone to go to hell, and having them look forward to the trip.

I’m always disappointed when a Liar’s Pants don’t actually Catch On Fire.

Lord, Give Me Patience – Because if you give me Strength, I’m Gonna Need Bail Money to go with it.

No, they are not balloons. Get away from me with that pin!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without their motives questioned.

Remember when being stiff in the morning was a good thing?

Don’t judge me because I sin differently from you.

Support the poor – Buy Art

(or a book.)