Legos and the Path to Fame and Fortune.

I was born just a few years early to get in on the great Lego legacy. I had some white, red, and clear building blocks that worked much as Legos do, but they lacked the cool gadgets that Legos offers. 

 They were like miniature cinder blocks that connected and so they were relegated to building houses and forts for my toy soldiers.

Just as Bill Gates a generation later, cornered the operating systems market by slightly adapting existing technology, Legos moved into the American market with a slightly altered connector shape to my no-name building blocks and made an Empire. I’m even saving this file with a Lego USB drive.

So what is it about Legos that make six-year-olds hyperventilate? My erector set and Lincoln Logs never set me in a frenzy no matter how much Captain Crunch I’d had for breakfast.

I’ve never been proud. I steal pictures from FB to post here on Just Plain Stupid. I ‘borrow’ other people’s jokes; I even repurpose existing tunes to write parodies. I think I lack just as much character as Bill Gates and Joe Lego (or whatever his/her name is.) What existing bland and under-appreciated technology can I adjust slightly and use to rake in enough gold to satisfy a Lego pirate?

Rubber bands are basic and bland. They've been around ever since... a long time – but has anyone made jewelry from them?

You say they've been doing that a while? Maybe I should look around more.

Paper clips! What's more mundane and simple? But what if we made it artistic?

Oh – well, artists are usually poor anyway.

How about twist ties? Twist ties are ubiquitous. They breed in my top kitchen drawer, which really cuts down on manufacturing costs. How about claymation made from twist ties?

Hmm… I guess that’s covered.

Soda bottles! I could revolutionize the craft world with...

Dang it!

What's the most drab and useless technology out there... Toilet paper rolls? Ignoring the whole disease possibilities – if I could make toys from...

The heck with it. Move over; I'm playing with your Legos. I high-hosey the pirates!

For the .0002% of JPS readers who haven't seen it - here's a classic Lego adaptation of a Monty Python favorite.

Just Plain Stupid Christmas Story

The last two posts on Just Plain Stupid were parts One and Two of Will Wright’s story, Pickle’s Christmas Wonder as it appears in the Bethlehem Writers Group award-winning anthology, A Christmas Sampler. link

Nothing against Will, but it was so sweet it made my teeth hurt.

If you think Christmas is a time of soft twinkling lights, teddy-bears, kittens, and little puppies that never piddle on your just-washed laundry, then Pickle’s Christmas Wonder is a story for you.

For the rest of us – the kind that celebrates the holidays by twining a bit of mistletoe around our middle fingers when we salute people who steal the last parking space at the mall – in other words, the kind of good people who read this blog, a different kind of story is in order.

Elfie the Elf

by Headley Hauser

Generally, elves would rather have a reputation than be relegated to the obscurity of anonymous elfhood. Elfie however, did not appreciate the reputation he, through his family, had earned.

Elfie was the son and grandson of older Elfies. His mother was named Elfine. Even his little brother was named Elfie.

Elfie and his family were known as the elves without imagination.

Elfie toiled in Santa’s workshop making hobby horses and toy boats.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It didn’t matter that very few children wanted hobby horses or toy boats any more. Most of the other elves were making tablets, smart phones, and gaming systems. But in spite of his best intentions, whenever Elfie picked up his hammer to make a toy, it ended up as a hobby horse or a toy boat.

“I think we have all we need of those,” said Grufflebunt, the elvin line boss. “Try something a little different.”

“Like what?” asked Elfie.

“I won’t ask too much of you, knowing your family reputation. How about a Jack-in-the-box?”

“Oh,” said Elfie, looking uncertain.

“Surely you can make a Jack-in-the-box!”

“Um,” said Elfie.

Grufflebunt gruffled at Elfie - a skill which qualified him for management. “Just don’t make another hobby horse! We have too many hobby horses.”

“Right,” said Elfie. He made a toy boat.

Later at dinner, when he, his mother, Elfine, his father Elfie, and his little brother, Elfie were eating meatballs and mash potatoes as they had for every dinner Elfie could remember, Elfie surprised his family by saying something other than, “pass the salt, please.”

“We’re elves,” said Elfie.

Elfie the father, and Elfine the mother looked surprised and concerned by Elfie’s statement. Elfie the little brother didn’t pay attention to anything other than his meatballs and mashed potatoes.

“I believe you’re right,” said Elfie the father after a particularly awkward pause.

“Elves should be creative, “said Elfie. “Elves should have imagination. I want to be a creative elf with imagination.”

“Hum,” said Elfie the father.

That was the end of the discussion for the rest of dinner as Elfie and his family finished consuming their meatballs and mash potatoes.

It was hours later when Elfine looked up from her crossword puzzle. Her crossword puzzle consisted of two words. One across was a four letter word for “precipitation common in the North Pole.” One down was a five letter word for “famous resident of the North Pole.” She’d been working on it for some time.

“Elfie,” said Elfine the mother.

“Yes,” said Elfie the father. “Yes,” said Elfie the older son. “Yes,” said Elfie the younger son.

Not sure what to say, Elfine pointed at Elfie the older son (who as you may recall is the title character of this story.) “I think you’re right, Elfie,” said Elfine the mother. “I think you should be creative and have… that other thing you think you should have. I believe in you, Son. I know if you put your mind to it, you can… do that.”

“Thanks, Mom,” said Elfie, and encouraged by his mother’s faith in him, Elfie determined to be creative and to have imagination. He determined to spend every free moment to generate creativity and imagination. He was sure he could do it if he tried!

That was fifteen years ago. So far – just a lot of toy boats and hobby horses.

What? You expected an imaginative solution to Elfie’s problem? If I had a useful imagination, I’d be raking it in writing self elf books.  Here's one of those annoying elf on shelf vids.  Merry Merry.