For those expecting the fifth installment of chapter 7 (Batwings and
Strangers) from Trouble in Taos, I… Well, I guess I don’t really
apologize – though that would sound polite; I hate to be
disingenuous (and what then does ingenuous mean?)
For those expecting the fifth yada, yada, yada – I don’t care.
It’s my blog. I’m still not over being called stupid in its
title, and it hasn’t been a great weekend, so learn some patience
and stop bothering me. The fifth installment will happen on
Thursday, unless I get interrupted again, which I probably will
because I just feel contrary right now.
The reason for this interruption (as you probably guessed from the
title) has to do with my imaginary friends. Imaginary friends get a
bad rap in society. They’re much more loyal than real people, they
ask great questions, and they never get on you about the crumbs on
your sweater.
My assembly of IFs (I have quite a few,) wanted to know about the
first version of Johnny Comes Marching Home alluded to in the
forth installment of Batwings and Strangers – or the next blog
entry down on your browser – Oog Got Bit by a Dinosaur.
Dutifully, I did extensive imaginary research for my similarly
imaginary friends (another thing they don’t get on you about.) I
discovered that the Legend of Oog (as it is referred to by imaginary
scholars,) has been preserved in two locations: The Puritan
Department of Ridiculous Antiquities, and Dominican Archives of the
Depravity of Man. The two facilities agree on most details, but
differ on the last word.
The PDRA claims the last word in the song is ‘nose.’ Puritans,
though happy to burn witches, and slaughter the Irish are squeamish
when it comes to rude language.
The DADM claims the last word of the song is, ‘butt.’ Dominicans,
though they have a strong scholarly tradition, and great experience
torturing Jews and Muslims, have an unfortunate tendency towards
euphemism.
So, with a certain level of imaginary confidence, I present to you
the imaginary authoritative original words to the first version of
any song sung to the tune of Johnny Comes Marching Home.
(Who knew that cave persons sang
in English?)
The
Legend of Oog
Researched
by Headley Hauser
(To
the tune of Johnny Comes Marching Home tune)
Oog got bit by a dinosaur
munch-munch -- munch-munch
It’s what you get from a
carnivore
It hurts -- a bunch
Should have run; it’s what
feet are for
‘Stead he raised his arms; now
they ain’t there no more
And the whole cave’s laughing
‘Cause now he can’t scratch
his ass.
One of the things this imaginary research confirmed was that cave
persons were strong on slapstick humor, but not quite as strong on
compassion, as the celebrated scholar of antiquities, Mel Brooks
illustrated in the following clips.
So… Thursday, I’ll get back to Batwings and Strangers.
Or not.
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