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Monday, June 16, 2014

Jesus Cheers for Notre Dame


Stop me if you’ve heard this one…
Now that I’ve put together a veritable manure pile of blog posts, it’s getting more and more difficult to remember what I’ve posted. I did a quick scan of my post titles. It’s infuriating how often my post title has little or nothing to do with what I put in the post. I’d divorce myself, but who would get custody of the Pop Tarts? Can’t take that chance.
So I’ve been working on a sports parody the last few weeks, and it brought to mind another sports parody I wrote 12 years ago. Almost immediately, my song was out of date. My second stanza of the first verse proclaimed that the Red Sox would never again win the World Series, I referred to the Tampa Bay baseball team as the Devil Rays, I mentioned Vandy – a team that’s gone to bowls the last two years – as a perennial sad sack, I reference Doherty as the North Carolina coach, and I mention Tommy Lasorda who everyone seems to have forgotten.
Thank goodness the Cubs have been consistent so far.
For a few years I tried to keep up – changing the song to reflect the changing nature of sports.
Boy did that get old.
So even if in my growing manure pile, I might have posted this song before – here, for the first time is the original 2002 lyrics (to be sung in a soft lyrical brogue.)

A Jig for Holy Sport’s Fans

(Chorus)
Don't ya know that Jesus
Cheers for Notre Dame?
The Spirit likes les Habitants
The Canadians the same
The heavenly host helped MJ
But the Lakers now they cheer
And the Father above’s a Yankees man
Though their fans drink too much beer

Oh heaven’s not a refuge
If you’re a Cubbie fan
Cheer all you like for the Red Sox
But they’ll never win again
Vandy and Northwestern
Are great with cap and gown
But don’t look to them for football
For they’ll always let you down

(repeat Chorus)
Oh, Mary’d like the Saints now
If she ever saw them play
Teresa was a Celtics fan
Till the poor got in the way
The martyrs don’t like Lions
They remember all the pains
And the Devil cheers the Raiders and
The Miami Hurricanes

The popes, they liked Lasorda
So the Dodgers had a run
The angels would help their namesake
But they don’t think baseball’s fun
The Oilers had a blessing
Till Gretsky left for Hollywood
And no-one likes a Devil Ray
Cause they’re just no damn good

(repeat Chorus)
Now Krzyzewski has the blessing
For Doherty is no Smith
The Demon Deacs want Duncan back
That heavenly monolith
And meanwhile all God’s children
From New York to Anaheim
Let mercy slow and evil grow
For on sports we waste our time

(last Chorus)
Don't ya know that Jesus
Cheers for Notre Dame?
The Spirit likes les Habitants
The Canadians the same
The heavenly host helped MJ
But the Lakers now they cheer
And the Father above’s a Yankees man
Though their fans drink too much beer
(spoken in brogue) Like a bunch of Lutherans, they are

(sung slowly) Their fans drink too much beer

Back in the 60s and 70s, My Mother the Car was often referred to as the worst TV show ever.  I wonder if people would still say that today.  There's a lot more really crappy competition out there now.