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Thursday, June 12, 2014

Life Hacks - Just Helping Out

 So I got this email from Gerontolia Veija from Granville Ohio:
Dear Headley:
Some kind soul sent me this series of pictures they called Life Hacks. I might not have looked at the pictures at all, but I thought it was a misprint for Hicks, and being raised in the country, I thought it would bring back memories.
I can’t make heads or tails of these pictures. Would you please explain them to me?


I’d be glad to, Gerontolia, let’s look at the first one.
 Hmmm, yes, I can see the confusion here. You see what we have here is a very hard form of cheddar cheese. I’m not talking firm, I’m talking about ‘push the crowns right off your teeth as you chew,’ hard. What our hacker is doing here is a clever form of shiatsu fromage massage. It not only softens the cheese, but it makes it easier coming out the other end (if you know what I mean.)
Next slide please.
 Right – got this one. Some smart phones require not only overnight charging, but overnight soaking – preferably in soy sauce. For safety reasons, you should only soak one end of your phone at a time – repeat – NEVER fully immerse your phone in soy sauce. By wrapping your ear buds around a thimble, they have better body and shine, and the picture of the wrecked fishing boat helps give your phone and buds ambiance.
Next.
 Ah, a little known dancing hack. We've all heard the term, ‘warming up.’ In order to dance better, one must warm one’s feet properly, by donning wool socks in your dancing slippers and then blasting them with your hair dryer. You’ll look like Baryshnikov out there.
Next
 This particular hack is for addiction recovery. The addiction we’re dealing with here is Tic Tac addiction, common among school teachers and state employees. The basil and the nutmeg are for light addictions, the cayenne and hard chili peppers are for a more serious problem.
Next
 This is commonly known as the WTF hack. Many of us have acquaintances that feel free to drop in anytime the feel like it. Even those who tell people to “drop in anytime,” really don’t want people to do that. Mounting this little do-dad, particularly the one that appears to be vomiting a Kleenex, will go a long way to make such annoying people feel less welcome.
Next
 This is our empty nest hack. While most children are more considerate now-a-days, living with Mom and Dad into their fifties, there are still insensitive types that leave at 18 or 19 abandoning parents who still have several “sit up straight,” and “don’t slouch like that,” admonitions ready but still unsaid. This little sponge is willing to soak up all that unused parenting.
So – is that the list, Geronlolia? I’m glad I could be of assistance. Here are a few of my favorite hacks to add to your list.

I wish I could hack this blogging thing as well as this honey badger hacks his enclosure.  Here's the video -