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Thursday, July 3, 2014

Helix (the cat)

In a recent post I mentioned our Hauser family cat, Helix. O2 link  Though his reference elicited little more response than anything else I write about (are you folks asleep?) I thought I might tell you more about Helix (the cat).
I’ll try to do it quietly, so as not to disturb your nap.
The most frequent question I got about Helix (the cat) was if he was related to Felix (the cat.) Of course he wasn't; Felix (the cat) (for those of you old enough to remember) was animated and carried a bag of tricks.
Nobody who ever saw Helix (the cat) in full sleep mode would ever mistake him for animated and other than an occasional dead rodent or catnip toy – he carried nothing.
Some of the questions about Helix (the cat) came from mathematicians. These questions left me all turned around in a spiral, and I couldn't follow where exactly they were leading.
I consulted world-renowned proof-reader and feline genealogist, Cral Zombo concerning Helix (the cat)’s origins.
“Helix (the cat)’s immediate ancestors were Highjinx and SheLicks, both of whom were cats, but for some reason didn’t require that fact in parenthesis following their names.
Helix (the cat)’s most notable ancestor on his father’s side was the infamous Viking adventurer Hiel-Axe (the catastrophe) who terrorized the British Isles and parts of Greenland sailing in a giant dragon-headed litter box.”
I’m sure Helix would have enjoyed terrorizing Great Britain, as long as there was Nine-Lives seafood platter and a sun-warmed pillow waiting for him at the end of each day’s carnage.
“On Helix (the cat)’s mother’s side,” the esteemed Cral Zombo continues, “Is a proud druidic tradition including Shethatscratchesromans, an implacable adversary of Julius Caesar. After suffering several defeats to the druidic feline, one May the wily roman concocted a pole with several ribbons attached at the top. Shethatscratchesromans was so preoccupied with trying to capture all the loose ribbons that Caesar managed to subdue Gaul, Belgium, bits of Germany before his nemesis came to her senses.
As Shethatscratchesromans watched the Roman conqueror safely escape beyond the Rubicon, she stared ruefully at the top of Caesar’s ribboned contraption. She recognized that the ribbons represented bondage for her people, and was heard to say, ‘the tie is cast,’ a quote that was later changed and attributed to Caesar.”
Based on Cral Zombo’s research, we can now add the incomprehensible practice of may-poling to Caesar’s many accomplishments. Experts differ on whether he should also get credit for tether ball.
I find this particular part of Dr. Zombo’s research creditable based on Helix (the cat)’s preoccupation with our Christmas trees in general and the attached garlands in particular.
Helix lived a long life, and it is perhaps best that his interest in piano playing, and life-long addiction to catnip kept him from creating the level of havoc and mayhem his ancestors did.
Some of our surviving family house plants might disagree.


I thought you might like two videos today. The first is from Helix (the cat)’s animated non-ancestor, Felix (the cat).


This second video is of the world-renowned proof-reader and feline genealogist, Cral Zombo.