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Friday, May 15, 2015

Cone Conundrum

I remember a scandal in the late 60s about my state renting hundreds of traffic barrels for a dollar a day. What a waste of money, we thought!
That was before traffic cones took over the world.
Traffic cones, unlike their barrel predecessors are not on our highways simply to point out occasional hazards.  They are not just there in the hundreds, but in the millions.
And I beg to differ with anyone who contends that they serve to make traffic simpler.
Traffic cones have become America's number one cash crop.
And they aren't content to stay on our highways.  They have invaded our culture.
Our art.  Don't believe me...
How about this?
Or this?
They've invaded our children's programming.
And music.
And when I say they've taken over the stage, I'm speaking literally.
They have their own weight loss programs.
Even their own pets.
There are reports of traffic cone mind control.
They are taking on human characteristics
So they can blend in and take over our planet before we are even aware of the danger.
They're coming for you.  If you find yourself planted by the roadside marking traffic hazards five years from now.  You were warned!

Ask not for whom the cone wobbles.  It wobbles for you.