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Tuesday, June 21, 2016

What the Hell?



Fellow Go Figure Reads writer, Stanley McFarland is working on a project about hell. He writes on a blog a few times a year, and it’s usually something long, churchy, and egg-heady. It’s pretty boring stuff, but feel free to check it out. boring blog  
Anyway, Stanley says he’s reworking the concept of hell, and he asked me what I think of it. I wanted to say that hell was reading long, churchy, egg-heady blog posts about stuff I don’t understand, but seeing as he writes for Go Figure Reads, I decided I should be more helpful.
So here are the top ten ways that I see hell.
1) An eternal presidential campaign.
1a) A campaign where the two major candidates are the worst people I can think of. Wait! Are we in hell already?
2) Gnats.
3) Endless root canal session with about 50 trillion requests of, “just a little wider, please,” from my polite demonic dentist.
4) Celine Dion tribute on steel guitars.
5) Being next in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles while the person at the window refuses to leave until he can vent his complaint one more time…
6a) I pay to go to France with friends and find I’m the only one in my group that doesn’t speak French…
6b) And doesn’t understand art…
6c) And doesn’t like wine…
6d) And is allergic to stinky cheese.
7) All Award Shows, All the Time!
8) Lima bean Pop Tarts.
9a) To have that dream again where I’m back in school and I’m not wearing pants
9b) And find out it’s not a dream.

10) Any given day in Caitlyn Jenner’s life.


      Then again, some animated characters don't seem to mind hell.