Thank You for Your Stuff

What could be nicer than lying on a hammock, under a canopy of trees on that one rare day when they don’t throw, sap, nuts, cones, or bird crap at you? It’s a lovely peaceful moment that lasts about 15 minutes every summer. In exchange - if you own the land and cabin where that hammock is located - you’re almost certain to spend a hundred hours or more, cleaning gutters, cutting fallen trees, dealing with slow, uncooperative county bureaucrats, negotiating, waiting for, and complaining about plumbers, electricians, and other repair guys. In the weeks before and after your moocher friends visit you’ll be winterizing, unwinterizing, and/or rodent chasing in exchange for that perfect 15 minutes of arboreal bliss – that is if you guests don’t stop you by asking, “When’s lunch?.”

You want to really relax on a hammock in the woods? Choose a friend that owns such a cabin. Sure you might have to listen to your buddy brag about his house a bit, but that’s a small price to pay. Just be happy that he’s too proud of his hide-away to ask you to come up and clean after it floods each spring.

I’m grateful that people like to own things. I don’t understand it, but I don’t have to. My job is to collect friends that have all the things I want to play with. I get all the benefits and I don’t have to spend the time and money to purchase and maintain these leisure-eating monsters.

I mean, who, other than a professional fisherman, would ever want to own a boat? I can see having an inflatable dingy that fits in the closet, or maybe even a six foot canoe, but what kind of masochist buys an ocean-ready cabin cruiser?

The answer? My kind of masochist! He can have all the pride of ownership he wants. I’ll just tag along on a sunny day in the bay and disappear when it’s time to scrape barnacles off the side or wash the smell of rotted sea bass off the deck furniture.

I have loads of fun playing catch with someone else’s black lab in the park. I’ll never spend a moment cleaning dog puke or waiting in a well-slimed chair at the vet’s office.

Wow! You have a pool table? Sure, I’ll play, but I’ll be out of town if you ever move.

Thanks for all those tomatoes from your garden! Too bad you can’t sit up straight at the lunch table because your back is still bothering you.

It’s not just pets and stuff. A couple of days a month I wander into meetings at the really cool hobby society. I play with all the gadgets and toys that people build or collect. The president of the society approaches.

“Say Headley, you’re here again!”

“Yup. I sure like other people’s stuff.”

“Why don’t you join our society?”

“But I don’t do hobbies or collect things.”

“You could still be a member. As a member you could serve on a board and sit through boring meetings. You can arrange events and spend your own money on refreshments. You can pay annual dues, and then feel pressure about button-holing all your friends to join. Membership will suck all the joy out of playing with other people’s stuff, and make these meetings a source of anxiety, drudgery and poverty!

“What do you say?”

“Um… tempting, but I’m good just showing up and playing with other people’s stuff.”

That’s right; I don’t join hobby clubs, churches, political parties, civic organizations, or alumni associations. I don’t see why anyone joins, but I don’t let it bother me.

So the next time you’re in a meeting, feeling anxious that somebody is going to ask you for money, or to carry the club’s worries on your shoulders. Next time you’re overhauling your snowmobile, or Jet Ski. Next time you’re in a tussle with your neighbor because your golden retriever, while playing fetch with me, crushed her prized zucchini that were almost big enough for her to harvest, bag, and give out to freeloaders like… who?

That’s right, think of me, relaxing on that hammock in the woods, and being grateful that the world is full of people like you dedicated to making my life better.

Now in an almost related note, a musical pause from the great movie: The Blues Brothers.

Domestic Animals Are Not So Scary

But they can be funny too.

On Friday I did the first of two posts to clear out animal pictures from my 'borrowed from others' file. Friday's post was Wild Animals, and of course there was some contriversy. I included among my wild animals a hen, a chick and some other beast they domesticate in South America, South Asia, or South Alabama.

Yes, chickens are farm animals, and I guess the strange looking southern fella is too, but to the best of my knowledge, chickens are rarely fond of humans. Chickens stick around for the food, not the company. Dogs, cats, horses, and stuffed animals usually have an attachment to their people. But the terms Wild and Domestic are more easily understood than Misanthropic and Philanthropic so I used them.

This blog is called, Just Plain Stupid, you know. Roll with it!

Let's start with Dogs.

Dogs are loving and sharing

.Always happy to play along

They're motivated

Willing to make sacrifices

And Never ask for anything in return

Cats

Cats are patient

Long-suffering even

Sometimes really long-suffering

But mostly they are cute

But they'd never use that against you

But sometimes it's their best defense.

Equines

Equines don't judge

Even when cows laugh at them

They just want to be cared for

How can we get that guy's stall?

You want more equines?  Here's a video.

I've Got Nothing... But Dogs

So if you're a blogger and you've got nothing to say (join the party,) you do a blog with cheesy gifs of cats.  But if you've already done such a post - what then?  As you may have guessed from the title and the unicorn boxer above, your next best bet is dogs.
   Try to avoid the gifs that are clearly manipulated by unconscionable tech geeks.

 In other words, unconscionably steal from only conscionable tech geeks.

this could be real - right?

The best dog gifs are of dogs just being dogs.

Of course it's fair if their humans teach them a trick or two.

The problem with dog humor is that the canine is not mean spirited.

Though appearances can be deceiving.

Dogs are sweet and playful

And impressive in their abilities

sometimes just by being themselves in slow motion

They can look goofy

I don't care what Wikipedia says, we're not dogs.  You got any more cookies?

But there's a wholesome dignity in dog-hood.

Is the post over?  Can I eat these now?

So remember, Dear Blogger - if you've already posted cats - go with dogs.

Not sure if I posted this vid before.  WTH, it fits the theme.