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Monday, May 13, 2013

Short Kisses

May 13, 2013
Editors note: Due to complaints from Homeland Security (apparently this blog contributes to the perception of decadence in American society,) Just Plain Stupid will be presenting shorter (hopefully less idiotic) posts.
Headley: What? I have 1250 words ready!
Make it 250.
Huh?
You’ve used 7.
Okay… here’s a story.

Bob and Julia are in love. Bob sidles over to where Julia perches expectantly. He sticks out his chest in a masculine fashion, and Julia looks duly impressed. Bob is a fine specimen, and she knows it.
But he thinks the same of her and he gently rubs against her. She lets out a delighted twitter. He leans over lovingly, and Julia knows this is the moment – the first time. Her mouth opens slightly, invitingly. Bob’s proud head descends. He pauses a moment. Anticipation ripples through his body. Then he takes the promised kiss, sweetly, though rapidly – they are new to love, to sharing.
Thanks for half your worm,” he twitters.
You’re welcome, My Love,” she trills, and then flies off to search for more.
I told you they were Cardinals, right?
 
Well blame Homeland Security if you don’t like the shortcuts.

I’ve never understood kissing. For me, kissing was something that was taught, not instinctual – similar to not peeing in the living room.

I’ve got that one down.

“Kiss your Aunt Herpurbola, Headley.”
“Couldn’t we shake hands?”
“Kiss your Aunt Herpurbola!”
Aunt Herpurbola smelled of Haley’s MO and prunes – not a great introduction to the practice of kissing. I think my first girlfriend resented me holding my nose while I kissed her. People can be touchy.
But then I saw these cardinals, and kissing made sense. I’m ready to try it! If it’s a really hot date, waffles…

That is all.

Homeland Security
Nothing to see here

Move along