The most popular
post so far on this blog isBasketball, BWG, but no Little Debbie Twinkie where I offer an advertising deal with Little Debbie.
Little Debbie has yet to get back to me.
It’s time to change the lure, and go for other fish. Starbucks!
So what makes me think that Starbucks and I are a match made in Wall
Street? It’s true I’m not a customer. (I was saving to go, but
then I blew it on kidney surgery.) But I’m only too happy to help
them raise their percent of GDP into double figures if they’ll toss
a few crumbs my way.
(I mean money – not actual crumbs. Starbucks has lots of lawyers
jacked up on mocha-latte so I have to be careful how I put things.)
So why does Starbucks need my help with all the money they spend on
marketing? Marketing like this truck?
Memorable – but might not be the effect they were looking for.
They need a commercial with a jingle. It should be light and breezy,
giving the impression that a cup of Starbucks coffee will make life
easy as opposed to transforming it into a steaming, bloodshot,
caffeine-induced stressfest.
Image is everything.
Here’s the tune
Starbucks
Music by Tony Hatch, lyrics by Headley Hauser
You’re driving to work and though you know he’s a jerk
You call your boss and say
Starbucks
“My eyes are a blur, my words are starting to slur
But I am on my way”
Starbucks
You pull into the parking lot and cut off those in your way
No need to enter in the place; the line leads out the doorway
Checking your watch
Espresso will curl your hair
You know your boss will be angry, but what do you care? You’re
at
Starbucks
People are waking here
Starbucks
Then they start shaking here
Starbucks
Caffeine is waiting for you.
(hauntingly in background,) Starbucks, Starbucks…
(A musical interlude begins where jittery dancers in green aprons
tantalize those in line with scones, muffins and Ventis of other
people’s refills that they are delivering to tables. Behind this
scene, hoodlums in Duncan Donut uniforms break into customer cars
stealing sound systems, GPSs, and small pets. Nobody leaves the
line.
Barista’s asking out a girl. You hear him call her Dottie.
Your bladder says you need to pee, who cares if she’s a hottie?
Get with the brew!
“Hey Romeo, throw me a bone”
Caffeine is cheaper than cocaine, less stigma than methadone
Starbucks!
Everyone’s waiting here.
Starbucks
Too early to switch to beer.
Starbucks
“I’ll tip you ten bucks now just pour”
No comments:
Post a Comment