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Thursday, August 8, 2013

In Tribute to Ex-Living Icon

On the (fill in the blank) (80th?) anniversary of his birth, Just Plain Stupid would like to honor:
Jerry Falwell
The ex-living reverend accomplished many things in his (fill in the blank) years on the planet. Among them:

1) Made political flag burning a religious issue.

1a) Made most religious issues political issues.

2) Raised the profile and social importance of Hustler magazine.

3) Unified an impossibly divided Democrat party.

4) Made Libertarians seem unpatriotic.

5) Kept me from becoming a Southern Baptist.
Was it the legacy he hoped for?
I don’t care.
Who knows what else he might have accomplished had he lived longer. I encouraged fellow Go Figure Reads author Stanley W. McFarland to send Rev. Falwell a copy of his book: Confessions of a Protestant.
Sadly Falwell didn’t live to the release date. Had Falwell read it, and condemned it – McFarland would be a wealthy man today (and would owe me big time.)
Shortly before his demise, I penned (in a computer keyboard sense,) this musical tribute to the great man. The tune is from Danny Kaye’s tune – Inch Worm.
 I didn’t include the high math at the beginning and threw in a bridge instead. Tragically, the inestimable (I was never good at estimating) Danny Kaye never lived to sing the bridge.


lyrics by Headley Hauser

music (supposedly) by Danny Kaye

Lynchburg, Lynchburg

Nestled in the Blue Ridge

No left lane on it’s through bridge

It’s Jerry Falwell’s home

Lynchburg, Lynchburg

To get there takes half-a-tank

To see our favorite mount-e-bank

It’s Jerry Falwell’s home
Tradition – written and oral

Says that Lynchburg is moral

But if they’re the majority

Then why all the pejoraty?
Lynchburg, Lynchburg

Nestled in the Blue Ridge

(Ain’t) no liquor in the brew fridge

It’s Jerry Falwell’s home

Now, I don’t see diversity

At most university

But I not heard such flibberty

(Than at) that school known as Liberty
Lynchburg, Lynchburg

(To my) conduct they’re giving care

(Sure am) glad I’m not living there

It’s Jerry Falwell’s home
Here’s a video about Lynchburg from the ‘What if’ department. Or is it the ‘who cares’ department?