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Monday, September 2, 2013

The Ballad of Gypsy’s Clean Tile

So I just spent three weeks serializing a story I wrote years ago. What a great opportunity to get ahead – to finish the production work on Volition Man, do the rough edit on Dirk Destroyer’s Less Destructive Brother, and write a bunch of blog posts to be ahead of the game on Just Plain Stupid.

Yup – it was a great opportunity, but I found this stack of DVDs at the library that I’ve never seen and…

I blame the lack of Pop Tarts. I’m pretty sure the Pop Tart defense is admissible in the state courts of North Carolina.
So… to the theme from Gilligan’s Island, let’s see what happens with a little free association.

The Ballad of Gypsy’s Clean Tile

by Headley Hauser

So, I sit right down to write a tale

And hope it is a pip

Begins with five pretty careless quints

And a little dog named Gyp


Now Gyp was a quiet indoor pet

The cleanest kind of cur

Five lollypops got tangled there

Deep in her fur

(Deep in her fur)


Frustrated, Gyp let out a “ruff!”

The puppy’s coat was glossed

With goo from the lollypops forming up

A five flavored frost

(A five flavored frost)


She slipped and set down on the floor

Of the just scrubbed kitchen tile

With Purple-Grape

And an Orange too

A Lemon drop next to Lime

The Raspberry

With art snagged from the fridge’s door

Here on Gypsy’s Clean Tile


I guess I can’t very well leave it there, can I? Okay, here are the closing credits.

With Swiffer and the wet mop too

Mom worked to clean the mess

And gave a swat to five backsides

Of those careless juvie pests

“No pop, TV, or videogames

Don’t think about candy

Get Gypsy in the bathtub

And make yourselves handy”


So join them here at six, my friends

And see our puppy smile

When the quints explain to Dad…

Here on Gypsy’s Clean Tile