As I post my blog today, people in Scotland are voting. They’re
deciding if they wish to break away from England and become an
independent nation.
I know this because I was at somebody’s house last night that
listens to all that brainy stuff instead of re-runs of F-Troop.
You gotta love F-Troop. Agarn got all the credit, but Captain
Parmenter had some really funny bits. It’s a shame they just had
that guy sitting on a chair all the time in Momma’s Family. What a
waste of creative clumsiness!
But back to Scotland and today’s vote.
I was reassured to hear that they aren’t suggesting breaking the
island of Britain at the river Tweed. Having a floating country –
even a small one like Scotland might raise havoc in the Atlantic.
Imagine water-skiing off Daytona and then getting tripped up by a
Hebride Island.
That actually might be a funny bit if the Captain Parmenter guy did
that.
Anyway, nobody is suggesting doing anything to the land – it’s
just politics. I’ve given the matter some serious thought (or at
least I’ve been pretending to,) and I’ve decided that if I were
voting today; I would vote yes. I have, (or will have once I think
of them,) three reasons for voting aye (that’s Scottish for yes –
and Mrs. Chapeau, my 9th grade French teacher told me I
was no good at languages.)
Reason Number One:
More jobs! Think of all the maps and globes across the world where
England and Scotland are painted the same color (usually a pinkish
salmon that makes me think of the word salmonella – a good reason
to avoid British food.) Tens, if not more people will be employed to
either create new maps and globes, or to bring paint pots to
Libraries, High Schools, Universities, and the UN to color that wee
(another word in Scottish,) area north of York, fuchsia, or maybe
mauve.
Careful not to paint Quebec; it’s north of NEW York
(and they have their own separatist movement – tell me that's a coincidence!)
Reason Number Two:
Public decorum.
The queen will finally be able to tell Prince Charles to stop wearing
that stupid skirt! You’re German, Chuck – not Scottish. Even
your Celtic title – Prince of Wales, has nothing to do with male
skirt-wearing.
I don’t care what Ludmilla Parker Overbite says; nobody wants to
see your legs!
Reason Number Three:
Dang it – I have no reason number three. (Politics, not to mention
formal essay writing is a foreign to me as haggis – ANOTHER Scottish
word!) Mr. Erudite, my 11th grade English teacher would
be so ashamed.
Oh! – how about how Sergeant O’Rourke would like it? No, he was
Irish. It’ll come to me…
Maybe not.
If you can think of a reason number three that would give joy to all
who read this blog (not to mention Mr. Erudite – or his ghost if he
has declaimed his last,) please send it to gfreads@yahoo.com attn:
Headley’s reason number three.
And now – an unpaid political announcement.
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