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Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Celebrate a Single Guy Christmas

   Shake up the holidays!  Instead of Grandma's this year, why not take an exploratory trip in cultural diversity, and celebrate your family holiday at the home of a single guy?
   Of course there will be some differences, but that's what makes holidays interesting.  To prepare you, I've put together a few things you might expect.

   1) Decorations.
     Single guys decorate.  They just do it in their own way.
   Single guys are always happy to blend in with the neighborhood theme.
   Don't get too close!  That wreath is made from unwashed boxer shorts.
   Remember, Jesus was born in a humble setting.
   Duct tape makes great ornaments for the tree.
   And what could be more angelic than neon for a tree topper?

2) Food
   Don't worry, you won't starve at a single guy's house.

   Beer nuts are festive; they're even wearing tiny winter sweaters.
   Pizza has little red dots, just to make the season jolly.
   The beer is green!  And it comes from Europe which I'm told is a very Christmasy place.
   Just see the holiday joy in your host's eyes.

3) Activities
   Get ready for a loaded day of jolly fun.
   5 AM - Noon.  Sleep in!  See who can snore most like Santa!
   12:30 - 3:45.  The traditional Christmas basketball game!
   3:46 - 4:14.  Dinner, presents, and family crap.  Paper plates make it all go faster.
   4:15 - Midnight.  Mediocre college football bowls!
   Finally, the traditional Christmas couch stupor!  (Starting time optional.)

4) Gift Giving
   Single guys never lose their child-like gift wrapping style
   They try to use up all the paper.
   So they can have sword fights with the cardboard tubes
   Oh my goodness - look what he got you!
   And a single guy never forgets the children!

   So go knock on Weird Uncle Frank's door this holiday, and immerse yourself in the wonder of male singledom.  It's a holiday you'll never forget.

   And to all my readers, here's a fantastic Doug Rice photo of Christmas in Winston-Salem.

Merry (burp) Christmas from your single guy blog writer, Headley.

   Excerpt from the only good version of A Christmas Carol.