Christmas Paragons Lost

As we’re now well into the holidays, I thought I might pay tribute to those paragons who inspire us all with the ideals of the season. What would Christmas be without these animated and clay-mation stalwarts of holiday goodness? They serve to inspire us to be the kind of folk that makes Christmas last 365 days a year.

Or maybe they’re just total frauds.

Let’s have a closer look as these perennial icons of December prime time.

Santa Claus:

The man lives so far north that no sane adults live near him. He forces a diminutive ethnic minority to labor 364 days a year creating products that he takes credit for on the one day a year he get’s off his overfed be-hind and works. Eight “tiny” indigenous creatures are forced out of their natural habitat to propel an uninspected flying vehicle from icy rooftop to icy rooftop, contrary to several OSHA regulations.

Santa a paragon? Only if you’re searching for an archetype of the American corporate CEO.

Frosty the Snowman:

A dead pipe smoker is brought to life by a magical item he doesn’t own. In spite of his revival, he continues to smoke like a chimney, and refuses to return the magician’s property. While Frosty whiles away his short, unproductive life, he portrays the victimized magician as the bad guy.

Frosty a paragon? Not unless you admire beltway lobbyists

The Grinch:

A man living high above all others, and thinking himself superior, decides to steal everyone’s property for the holidays. He then returns some of the property (minus the inefficiencies of sled travel,) and helps himself and his employee to a generous portion of the people’s holiday feast. For this act, he accepts accolades as a kind-hearted hero.

The Grinch a paragon? I suppose we could make him the patron saint of political office-holders.

Charlie Brown:

A boy is tasked by his peers with obtaining the best quality Christmas tree he can. He intentionally chooses the worst tree, has a religious service, and convinces his peers that they see qualities in the tree that aren’t there.

Charlie Brown a paragon? You could make that argument. If inspiring evangelists and Amway enthusiasts around the world by proving that you can sell anything with religion is a virtue.

Rudolph:

Hmmm. Victimized, sorry for himself, whiny, he runs away and chances on some people that end up helping themselves.  The real hero is an elven dentist.

Rudolf a paragon? I guess he’s not evil. I’ll give the little ruminant a pass, but notice he’s the only four-legged herbivore on this list.

Little Drummer Boy:

An undisciplined child wanders into an otherwise adults-only baby shower. In spite of the infant’s sensitive ears, he pounds out an elongated drum solo. He then congratulates himself because the infant in a fit of gas forms his lips into a smile.

The Little Drummer Boy a paragon? You tell me next time you volunteer to organize a pageant and some nine-year-old demands the lead because he/she is so special.

The Tick!:

While not ordinarily associated with the holidays, The Tick is selfless and dedicated to the betterment of… non-evil stuff.

The Tick a paragon? Absolutely! That’s why evil corporate big shots cancelled both his animated and live-action shows, and you never see his Christmas special!

But you can see it here.