On two previous
occasions I’ve made overtures to two great corporations for
sponsorship: Little Debbie and Starbucks. Surprisingly,
nothing has come of either proposal. I’m getting tired of eating
post-expiration-date bread from the thrift store. (I suspect they’re
lying about that “nutrient-rich spinach coating.”) It’s time
to make another try.
Yes, I know that
I’ve had my issues with Disney, but I just want to let them know
that I’m the kind of guy that can get past old disagreements and
gain new perspective – you know… be bought.
To show the kind
of work I’m prepared to do on their behalf, I’ve written new
lyrics to one of the most hated tunes of all time, It’s a Small
World After All.
Here’s the tune.
I dare you to put it on continuous loop for an hour and not go pee
in your neighbor’s coy pond or some other act of suburban
terrorism. To spice up the chorus (which is only 6 words – 7 if
you count a contraction as 2,) I’ve put in words to be sung
subliminally beneath the line, After All. My version is a
little more syncopated on the 2nd, 4th, and 6th
lines of the verses as well. I mean, c’mon! I can’t leave it
like it is.
It’s
a Mouse World After All
lyrics
by Headley Hauser
music
by A. Vicious Sadist
Sure you know Snow
White
And the
crick-et-that-can-sing
Ariel in shells
Bambi and
the-Li-on-King
Just a wish on a
star?
No,
we-own-much-more-by-far
It’s a mouse
world after all
It’s a mouse
world
After all (Disney
over all)
It’s a mouse
world
After all (This
globe is just our ball)
It’s a mouse
world
After all (To
approach us you must crawl)
It’s our own
mouse world
Eleven theme parks
A-long-with-for-ty-three-re-sorts
Stores in every
mall
You look
great-in-Don-ald’s-shorts
Disney Cruz on the
waves (Snap!)
(Avast ye)
Move-those-oars-you-slaves!
It’s a mouse
world after all
It’s a mouse
world
After all (Goofy
sure is tall)
It’s a mouse
world
After all (Buy him
at the mall)
It’s a mouse
world
After all (Check
out our princess wall)
It’s our own
mouse world
E- -S-P-N
Disney Channel,
A&E
Disney Med-i-a
Not to-men-tion
ABC
Fine-art as well
it seems
Put a mouse on
Munch's Scream
It’s a mouse
world after all
It’s a mouse
world
After all
(Zippity-do-da-dall)
It’s a mouse
world
After all (In
black Southern Drawl)
It’s a mouse
world
After all (It’s
not racist, Y’all)
It’s our own
mouse world
Disney Publishing
And yes we own
Marvel
Hyper-i-on
Just a start, but
ain’t it swell
On Broadway and on
Ice
Hey, you better
say it’s nice
(‘Cause) it’s
a mouse world after all
It’s a mouse
world
After All (We will
make the call)
It’s a mouse
world
After All (Fight
us? – you will fall)
It’s a mouse
world
After All (Don’t
you love our gall?)
It’s our own
mouse world
We enslaved Pixar
‘Cause all we
write is crap
Absorbed P. Domain
All across the map
Don’t you dare
infringe our rights
Yes! Our lawyers
love those fights
It’s our mouse
world OVER all.
WWWD
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