So…
Holiday Season, Huh?
I
borrowed from the local library that timeless Holiday treat, the Ken
Burns Documentary, Baseball.
Shoot
me – Christmas is not my favorite season.
It
being early December, I found the two themes merging - especially as
Burn’s depiction of the steroid scandals produced visions of
sugar-pills dancing in my head.
Deck the
Arms with THG
by Headley
Hauser
Tis the
season to hit homers
falalalala
lala la la
Be a star
and not a roamer
falalalala
lala la la
Practice
hard and toil and lug more
falalalala
lala la la
Of send
your agent to the drug store
falalalala
lala la la
Deck your
arms with THG
falalalala
lala la la
Hit thirty
homers instead of three
falalalala
lala la la
Erasing
marks from by-gone ages
falalalala
lala la la
Clubhouse
full of steroid rages
falalalala
lala la la
We are now
the mighty gloved ones
falalalala
lala la la
Who cares
if we beat our loved ones
falalalala
lala la la
Some
complain about our stat-ploy
falalalala
lala la la
Wouldn’t
want to be the bat boy
falalalala
lala la la
Let’s
be fair, PADs (performance affecting drugs) are as American as
marijuana brownies, and a constant part of baseball tradition.
Dwight Gooden (and the 86 Mets)
couldn’t have beaten my beloved Red
Sox without their white powder. Until recent decades, chewing
tobacco was practically issued to every ballplayer, not only to calm
their nerves at the plate, but to give spitballs that little
something extra. Booze was such an important part of the game that
several teams were owned by beer barons. Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle
got so wasted that they weren’t even hung over until the 7th
inning stretch.
So
let’s stop being so hypocritical and embrace our chemically pumped
heroes of the last generation. Heck, put a statue of Balco in the
Hall of Fame.
We
wish you a Merry Andro
We
wish you a Merry Andro
We
wish you a Merry Andro
And
a bottle of clear
You’ll
play like a dream
Long
as you use the cream
We
wish you a Merry Andro
And
a bottle of clear.
As
far as Christmas is concerned – you think a few ho-ho-hos enable
“eight tiny reindeer” to push a fat man and several billion toys
around the earth in less than 24 hours?
Vaguely related video
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