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Thursday, February 13, 2014

Anti-Writer Abolitionism

Anti-Writer Abolitionism
by Headley Hauser

Slavery is alive today
Fictional characters are chattel
Though they’re significant others
To book lovers everywhere
They are oppressed, beaten and killed
By writers
That callous breed
No wonder most writers are poor

Given a choice
Would James Bond be so shallow?
Professor Snape so nasty?
Jacque Chirac so snooty?

You think Jacque Chirac is real?
Gullible, aren’t you?

King and Clancy
Fill entire graveyards with their fictional dead
Yet they walk free

I try to be more kind
I try not to kill my characters
Their hardships tend to be self-inflicted
But I’m far from innocent

I made a character eat an onion once
He was hungry
It’s all I gave him
He refused to finish the narrative
His unfinished story
Gathers dust on my shelf

Fictional characters may have no legal rights
But they have wills
And recourse

Some characters are strong enough to get their way
I’ve wrestled with many
The times I win
The story loses
Resulting in a shallow tale
Or a fictional job action
Writer’s block

A few characters get published
They are known for who they are
Not what their writer tried to make them
They don’t begrudge the writer the royalties
It’s usually not much
What’s a fictional character going to do with money?

They dream of life
Far beyond the normal span of mortals
Achilles lives in a lovely brownstone on the west side
Gilgamesh fishes for Marlin off the Keys
They both visit the library
And used bookstores
And high school English classes

Just like the rest of us
Life is good
For the lucky few
The few that conquer their writer masters

Till they make the movie
And the struggle begins again

With directors and actors

Have I posted this video yet?  Well YouTube didn't recognize the one I wanted - so you get it again.