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Thursday, March 20, 2014

Spring? Deer? Julie Andrews?

Is it over? Somebody else check – I don’t dare. Is our silver-white winter truly about to melt into spring?
I’m sure we’ve had worse winters. There was the whole ice age thing – that couldn't have been much fun, but this winter has seemed especially cruel – personally malevolent. Did someone piss off Snow Miser?
Well over a decade ago, I moved to North Carolina – largely for health reasons. I knew I’d have some cold days, maybe a few icy ones, but rarely a day I couldn't get out and walk a couple miles, get some fresh air. I’ve been lucky to walk three days a week this winter.
Anybody know of cheap places to live in Florida?
I know things were worse in Upstate New York, but I’m not convinced the driving was this bad. When Albany gets 8 inches of snow, North Carolina gets a half inch of ice. Which would you rather drive on?
Then there are the deer. Deer live everywhere, but in the Carolinas, I think they interbred with lemmings. They wait by the edge of the road, pondering eternal truths, and waiting for a death with meaning and impact – meaning that the impact of their death will total some poor guy who just reduced his car insurance to liability only.
For some reason I imagine Julie Andrews, like a siren, encouraging their folly with tunes from the Sound of Music.

Wild deer on roadsides
They whisper and snicker
Wait till the black ice
Is thicker and slicker”
Look for a Yugo
Let the dump truck pass by
This is the way that a deer wants to die.
or maybe

Doe - the deer – I struck her rear
Pay – insurance is not fun
Fee – for game - without permit
Jar(red) – by folks at wildlife fund
So – I’m needled by my friends
Law – attorneys without end
See – my clothes - did PETA rend
So now I hide in woods with …
Doe, Pay, Fee, Jarred, So, Law, See –

But today is the first day of spring, and while that is meaningless in North Dakota, it should mean something in more southern climes. Perhaps the holocaust is over – Snow Miser is appeased for nine months, the deer find forage in the hills, and Julie Andrews goes back to B-grade comedies that mock her roles in the early 60s.

And I have nine months to forget how bad this winter was – or maybe find a place in Florida.