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Monday, March 10, 2014

HHHH Inducts: Christopher Moore

HHHH Inducts: Christopher Moore
Headley Hauser Hall of Honor (pronounced Hawner) is contractually obligated to write something in this blog space. So I’m inducting Christopher Moore.
Moore (who I’d call Chris, I guess - if I knew him - and he hadn’t told me to get out of his kitchen at 3AM when I accidently picked the lock to his back door,) is the author of 14 novels (most of which don’t stink out loud,) and a graphic novel (which I haven’t had the opportunity to sniff as yet.)
He serendipitously, randomly, accidently or otherwise unaccountably authored the greatest novel of the 21rst century: LAMB: THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO BIFF, CHRIST’S CHILDHOOD PAL. Luckily for him he didn’t write it a few years earlier, ‘cause when it comes to the 20th century, Harper Lee would’ve cleaned his clock.
From what I can gather from his writings his turn-ons seem to be demons, vampires, recreational medication, B movies, impressionist art, and the plastic ball pit at the local McDonalds.
No mention of his turn-offs appear in his novels or any description of his perfect date, unless it involves super-market frozen turkey bowling.
Thankfully, I am not required to include a centerfold photo in this write-up.
Moore enjoys weaving his characters from one story into another. Perhaps he gets a thrill from frustrating those who begin reading his work with say, THE STUPIDEST ANGEL: A HEARTWARMING TALE OF CHRISTMAS TERROR. The said unfortunate would find missing background relating to two characters introduced in ISLAND OF THE SEQUINED LOVE NUN, another character introduced in LAMB, and a host of characters from the fictional Pine Grove California.
As a public service (and because I’m trying to reach 500 words,) I will now list his books in order:
1) PRACTICAL DEMONKEEPING (the first Pine Grove book)
2) COYOTE BLUE (nothin’ to do with nothin’ as far as I can tell)
3) BLOODSUCKING FIENDS (A LOVE STORY) (the first vampire/San Francisco book)
4) ISLAND OF THE SEQUINED LOVE NUN

5) THE LUST LIZARD OF MELANCHOLY COVE (the second Pine Grove book)
6) LAMB

7) FLUKE: OR, I KNOW WHY THE WINGED WHALE SINGS (clearly written while on a Pacific cruise where the liquor was unlimited – I’d skip this one)
8) THE STUPIDEST ANGEL (the third Pine Grove book)
9) YOU SUCK: A LOVE STORY (the second vampire/San Francisco book)
10) A DIRTY JOB (the third San Francisco, but NOT primarily a vampire book – sneaky Pete)
11) FOOL (obligatory Shakespeare homage bit)
12) BITE ME: A LOVE STORY (the third vampire and fourth San Francisco book)
13) SACRE BLEU: A COMEDY D’ART (largely 19th century, Paris, France book)
14) THE SERPENT OF VENICE (no idea as it has yet to appear in the Barnes and Noble dumpster with its cover torn off.)
And of course, the currently unscented graphic novel: THE GRIFF: A GRAPHIC NOVEL (WITH IAN CORSON.)

I have been accused of stealing his style in my novella TROUBLE IN TAOSLINK That doesn’t concern me because like tens of thousands of my fellow writing wanna-bes, I can’t get arrested in this town.
Wanna know more? Check his website: WWW.CHRISMOORE.COM, LINK cause I’m way over 500 words.

For the video, I thought I'd celebrate the release of Mr. Peabody (though I won't see it till it gets to the cheap theater,) with this vid of how he adopted Sherman.
There's even a bonus fractured fairy tale.