So this is the last installment of the dream sequence of Volition Man
(available HERE.) If you want to see the first three installments
you will find them here, here2 and here3.
Our hero, Dirgan Voleman has been dreaming. Inexplicably, (because I
can’t stand explicing myself,) he is dreaming from the perspective
of a Little Miss Muffet-type girl, and 25 dairy cows. Also
inexplicably (for continuities sake,) he encounters his geriatric
arch enemy, Eschi Evelite.
Volition Man Chapter L Part 4
(or IV if you’re classy... or a Super Bowl fan)
“You see,” said the spider, “my name is Eschi
Evelite. We haven’t met formally, and I thought you should know
that I am the cause of much of the trouble that is going on in
Pollyville.”
Dirgan the little girl offered Eschi the spider some
curds and whey.
“Thank you, no,” said the spider.
Dirgan the little girl didn't blame the spider, but
still couldn't keep him-her-self from eating the chunky milk.
“I destroyed Detroit,” said Eschi the spider,
“and I’m here to do the same to Pollyville. My accomplices are
Whynter Yearghn, the Kool-Aid Guy who likes to be called
Cyclothunderer, and Really Bad Guy, who just got cut from the Oakland
Raiders practice squad and will be returning to Pollyville shortly.”
Dirgan the little girl nodded politely. Dirgan the…
(well, let’s just say Dirgan seven) was disgusted with how
insipidly stupid Dirgan the little girl seemed to be. It (she-he)
decided to scratch a note to warn it themhimherself(selves) in the
dirt with it’s/her/his hoof.
But cows can’t write. Dirgan seven mooed again,
which caused Dirgan the first cow from the left, who was now, though
not formerly, adjacent to Dirgan seven to kick it/her(him). Dirgan
the formerly second but now third cow from the left (similarly
repositioned relative to Dirgan seven) plopped a cow patty on
(its)his/her hoof.
Dirgan seven didn't enjoy the kick, but found the
cow patty warm and pleasant.
“Maybe,” said the spider, apparently ignoring the
bovine interplay, “I could just kill you now in this stupid dream
and not have to bother with you when some of us wake up.”
Dirgan the little girl knew this sounded very
naughty. Dirgan seven tried to maneuver around so that (she)it(he)
could kick the spider and save Dirgan the little girl. Unfortunately
there were twenty-four other bovine Dirgans in her(its)his way, and
they all appeared to be too stupid to understand what was going on.
Fortunately Dirgan the little girl didn't need
Dirgan seven to save HhEiRm. A marionette with a cricket on its
shoulder came down beside the spider. The marionette had the face of
Granyard “Toast” Putter. The spider ate the head off the cricket
and ambled off.
“I thure am glad,” said Dirgan the little girl
with her annoying little girl lisp, “that you thaved me from the
naughty thpider.”
Only Dirgan theven – er, seven – looked up the
strings of the marionette to see a laughing ghost pulling those
strings.
“This is really important,” said Dirgan seven to
it, him, her self. “I have to remember this dream!” Dirgan
seven concentrated with all the intellect afforded to dream cows to
bring the details of the dream to the awakened Dirgan when he woke.
A few hours later, Dirgan awoke. For some reason
that he couldn't explain, he started mooing urgently. He did this
for several seconds.
And then he stopped.
“That’s odd,” said Dirgan to nobody in
particular.
And that leads us to Chapter M which you will need to download
Volition Man to see, cause… I guess you don’t need to download
Volition Man – but I need the money, so that’s almost as
important.
As I've done with the first three installments – here’s a
(considerably older,) Bill Cosby telling a story.
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