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Monday, April 7, 2014

Volition Man Chapter L Part 3 – Dirgan Meets Eschi (sort of)


As you can see by the title, this is the third installment of Chapter L from Volition Man (available here.) You can read the first two installments here and here2, or if you’re linkaphobic, I’ll tell you.
Dirgan Voleman, a man with a superpower related to his relative motivational strength is having a dream. Following a series of telling personal images, he has landed on a dreamland dairy farm where he is simultaneously a herd of 25 dairy cows, and a little girl eating something disturbing.
Volition Man Chapter L (Part 3)
Blecchk!” Dirgan murmured in his sleep.
Was this sanitary? It wasn’t milk he (she) was eating, or cheese, or even yogurt. Dirgan didn’t like yogurt, but at least that was food. This was curds and whey, or as Dirgan had called it back when he (she) was a little boy – chunky milk.
The worst part was that he (she) was enjoying it.
Dirgan, who at that moment was conscious of being the seventh cow from the left, looked up. It wasn’t a natural thing for a cow to do, maybe that’s why the other twenty-four Dirgan cows plus the Dirgan little girl missed it. Dirgan the seventh cow from the left noticed a large spindly creature lowering itself from a nearby tree. The creature had eight legs and the head of an old man. It was coming down right beside Dirgan the little girl. Dirgan the seventh cow from the left said, “Mooo!”

Dirgans one through six and eight through twenty-five looked over at Dirgan the seventh cow from the left and wondered,What’s his (her) problem?” Dirgan the little girl thought, with an annoying little-girl lisp, “The cowth are rethtleth,” that is, until (he) she saw the huge spider.

That’s when Dirgan the little girl wet him/her self.
Every instinct in Dirgan the little girl demanded that (s)he run away, but Dirgan had been through too many motivational seminars to quail at the sight of a hundred-and-fifty-pound spider.
You’re not running away,” said the spider.
I gueththth not,” said Dirgan the little girl with an even more annoying little girl lisp.
Good,” said the spider, “because I have some things to tell you.”
Dirgan the little girl waited politely, though Dirgan the seventh cow from the left ambled closer, thereby becoming the second cow from the left, though in no way changing it’s (her) (his) consciousness of being Dirgan the seventh cow from the left. Dirgan the formerly and figuratively seventh cow from the left strained to hear what the spider had to say.

You see,” said the spider, “my name is Eschi Evelite. We haven’t met formally, and I thought you should know that I am the cause of much of the trouble that is going on in Pollyville.”

This sounds like important stuff for Dirgan (the superhero, not the cow or the little girl,) to know for we are already aware the Eschi Evelite is a dangerous and evil man – well evil anyway – or more correctly 93% evil.
Anyway, I hope Dirgan is paying attention (of course I know if he is.) If you’d like to know, come back on Thursday for the concluding post to Chapter L!


For no apparent reason my companion videos to Chapter L have been vids of old Bill Cosby routines. Here’s another one.