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Tuesday, April 28, 2015

To Russia with Love

Kac va pazhivaiitya?
That’s the only Russian phrase I know, and I’m betting that if a true Russian speaker heard me saying it – he’d say I really don’t know that phrase either.
What’s it mean?
What? I have to know what I’m saying? I usually don’t what I’m saying when I’m speaking English; why should Russian be any different?
The reason for this display of Eurasian erudition (You like that phrase? I got it from Stanley McFarland.) is that for some reason nobody here can figure out, Just Plain Stupid has become (at least temporarily,) popular in Russia. It’s almost enough to make me move. Do they make a borscht Pop Tart?
So at the risk of losing audience (which I do with just about every post,) I thought I might explore possible reasons this blog is getting attention from the land of Czars, Commissars, and Vodka bars.
1) The winters are long. I know it’s not a reason that makes any sense, but any time I hear anything about Russia, I hear that the winters are long.
Why did the Russians beat Napoleon? The winters are long. Why do the Russians wear fur hats? The winters are long. Why do the Russians like potato products? The winters are long. Why did the Russians elect Boris Yeltzin? The winters are long. I figure Just Plain Stupid must fit in with the whole long winter thing.
2) It takes people’s minds off of… best not to go there. Let’s face it, I don’t know a thing about what people in Russia want to get their minds off of . I don’t even know what I’m trying to get my mind off of. I used to know, but I forget what it was, so that must mean this blog is good for that – or that I have a poor attention span.
What number are we up to? Oh yeah -
3) Kremlin domes. (The domes have a point – so there’s no reason I need one.)
4) The ghost of Feodor Dostoyevsky endorsed the reading of Just Plain Stupid as a way of sharing the suffering of that guy in Crime and Punishment who killed his landlady.
5) I have never ONCE made fun of people dancing while sitting down… until now.

6) The sound of my blog being read aloud makes potatoes grow .0032% faster (though with more eyes for some reason.)
7) I faithfully (and uselessly) leave two spaces at the end of each sentence! Of course Blogger auto-corrects most of them, and I don’t even know if Russians like that – but I thought I’d mention it.
8) Word got out that people in France were reading it.
9) The Orthodox church has not yet condemned this blog. (Or heard of it.)
10) The people of Russia miss the comic stylings of… what’s his face – you know that Russian comedian guy that used to say, “what a country!” all the time. Just Plain Stupid makes as little sense as that guy used to.
So – to the people of Russia, here’s a BIG THANK YOU for wasting your time reading my blog posts.

Now go waste your money buying my books,Trouble in Taos and Volition Man

Here's an old routine of Whats-his-face.