Poets to
the Rescue
a play by
Headley Hauser
Scene
One
(Knock on door)
Woman: Is
it the plumber?
Poet 1: No
Woman: The
electrician?
Poet 1: No
Woman: Martha
Stewart?
Poet 1: No
Ma’am, it’s the poets. Let us in please.
(Woman
opens door and three poets in work clothes and tool belts enter. The
room is trashed. Bad art hangs on the wall. Three Children stare
off into space.)
Narrator: When
disaster strikes - call the poets!
Poet 1: Two
roads diverged in a yellow wood. And being one traveler, long I…
Poet 2: I
think that I will never see, a billboard lovely as…
Poet 3: There
once was a man from Nantucket…
Narrator: Our
competent staff of experienced professionals is ready for any
emergency be it personal -
Poet 1: I
rise…
Narrator: Family-related
-
Poet 2: (to
the children) Not in a
box, not with a fox, not in a house, not with a mouse. I would not
like them here or there…
Narrator: Or
commercial -
Poet 3: If
you think it’s butter, but it’s not…
Narrator: For
a limited time only, with every poet visit, get free cliché-guard.
Child 1: Sticks
and stones may gaaaachhhk!
Man 1: A
man’s home is his bllluuuubghhhh
Woman 2: You
know what Mom always said, yulieicht!
Man 2: (woman
1 is on phone and hears:) The
check is in heiyayuriap!
Narrator: The
poets will stay with you until the problem is solved - or you’re
out of munchies.
Scene
Two
(The place is neater and
more tasteful. The children look awake and alert, though the
youngest is smoking a pipe.)
Poet 1: Sorry
about the pipe, that happens sometimes.
Woman 1: I
don’t mind at all! Doesn’t little Nestor look distinguished!
Narrator: You’ll
be very pleased with the results.
Woman 1: Thank
you poets!
The End
Thanks to Facebook Friend,
JA, for this song by one of my favorite musical poets: Tom Lehrer.
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