Little Loose Glute

So I’m watching football with my friend Cral. The pizza I scored from the delivery guy is especially good (thank goodness for screwed up orders.  No - I'm not admitting calling it in.) The TV is showing a replay over and over of a big guy flopping over the back line of the end zone catching a pass. The question is – did his backside land inbounds before his elbow hit out of bounds. The cameras are zooming in of this guy’s wavering butt, and Cral sings out “little loose glute,” to the tune of the Beach Boy’s Little Deuce Coup.

After I’d taken the pizza and Cral’s Calvin and Hobbes collection hostage, Cral graciously allowed me to use the idea in this post. (Thanks Cral!)

Little Loose Glute

by Roger Christian, Brian Wilson, Headley Hauser (and Cral.)

Tired of the hazing working out with the jerks

So I got myself a girdle tight as Captain Jim Kirk’s

It’s a specialty model looking trim, looking tone

Even comes with six pack made of hard Styrofoam

But will my little loose glute

Show the world what I got?

Stupid little loose glute

Show the world what I got?

 

Head off to the treadmill, gonna run for a mile

See blonde-headed babe and I flash her a smile

Don’t bother with the warm up, I just slam it in gear

Then I thought I caught a laugh falling on my ear

Is it my little loose glute

Shows the world what I got

Flappin’ little loose glute

Shows the world what I got

 

I’m at the free weights for a couple of reps

The girdle pulls fat up to pump up my pecs

I grab a pair of twenties for a couple of curls

Sure my silhouette will impress all the girls

But then my little loose glute

Shows the world what I got

Sweating little loose glute

Shows the world what I got

Later on the bike, and I think I look neat

Till a hottie asks me what is hanging over my seat.

I look down at my shorts – I should have known

That which pulls fat up will also push down

I wear a towel home from waist to knee joint

But no one is fooled, jerks are starting to point

I want to toss the girdle then I stop and recant

This must be the reason they invented sweat pants

‘Cause then my little loose glute

Won’t show what I got

(In pants) a little loose glute

Won’t show what I got.

As I’m giving Cral credit (I don’t want to do that in more than one post,) I might as well post the video he sent me. (Yes, Cral – it’s a good video. Thank you very much, Cral. Yes, you can have your Calvin and Hobbes back.)