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Thursday, January 23, 2014

In The News


I’m no fan of the news. I don’t need reporters to get me depressed, but two items filtered through to me this week.
The first is the results of a study on brain function. According to… whoever they are, older brains slow down and memory lapses happen for the exact reason old people have claimed since Oog forgot where he left his club. 
 The brain gets too crammed with stuff. The more useless crap you commit to memory, the less space you have for new memories and concepts.
My New Year’s resolution is to forget everything I ever knew about 
Kim Kardashian
Justin Bieber
Ben Affleck
Jennifer Lopez
Donald Trump
and my 12th grade French teacher.
That ought to free up enough space for a few more blog entries.
The second news bit is more disturbing.
Major League Baseball has decided to institute manager challenges into their expanded instant replay policy.
Why, you might ask (if you hadn’t already deleted it from your memory,) does that disturb me? After all, with manager challenges many of the injustices of the past (such as the non-call of interference against Ed Armbruster of the Reds in Game Three of the ’75 World Series,) might never have happened. 
 There’d be fewer angry outbursts (such as I had at my 12th grade French teacher the day after Game Three of the ’75 World Series.) Players and fans would have lower blood pressure, fewer stains from thrown beer and hotdogs, and everyone would hold hands during the 7th inning stretch and sing, Kumbaya.
See what I mean? Yup, baseball will be truly boring if they go ahead with this.
Worst of all, the best thing about baseball will disappear entirely.
Your fondest baseball memory might be a home run by your favorite player, a perfect game by your favorite pitcher, or the World Series getting over so they stopped pre-empting your favorite Donald Trump, Kim Kardashian or Jennifer Lopez related reality show. My favorite memories are of 
Tommy Lasorda
Billy Martin
Lou Piniella
or the master of them all - Earl Weaver going nose-to-nose with the umpire, maybe kicking some dirt, and blowing a neck vein before being ejected from the game.
That’s entertainment.
Sadly, all we have to look forward to now… is the game.  When the manager disagrees - he yawns and throws a red flag.
Kinda slow, huh?

Well, at least you won’t have to clog up your memory with it.