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Monday, January 6, 2014

Top Ten Disturbing Fantasy Creatures

Top Ten Disturbing Fantasy Creatures
by Headley Hauser

1) Jiminy Cricket
 He’s a grasshopper, or a locust, or maybe a preying mantis, but clearly not a cricket! What’s he trying to pull? With a conscience like that, no wonder Pinocchio goes so wrong.

2) Glinda The Witch of the North
 let’s get this straight, all Dorothy has to do is stand there in Munchkinland and click her heels, but this “Good” witch sends her on a bloody vendetta?

3) Hercules
 He kills his best friend, Iphitos and sentences himself to live a year as a transvestite to make it all better? Don’t believe me? Look it up.

4) Spongebob
 He’s a sponge with a butt. I don’t want to think about it.

5) Jack
 He invades the giant’s house, steals his harp and his golden goose. When the giant gets pissed, Jack feels justified in killing him.

6) Fairy Godmother Part One
 Cinderella feels oppressed so FGM creates a dress-making sweatshop for little mice and birdies.

7) Fairy Godmother Part Two
 She turns rodents into people, makes them work all night, then turns them back into rodents. Obviously no labor laws in fantasyland.

8) Pac Man
 He takes drugs so he can eat dead people.

9) Gandolf
 He forgets so much fighting a Balrog that he doesn’t recognize his friends. Then he recites long incredibly boring passages in Elvish.

10) Donald Trump
 What? You say he’s real? C’mon – look at him. He can’t be.

Fellow blogger Alice from the blog Post Alice link reminded me of this rather disturbing Fantasy couple from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (A title I and my 9yo friends delighted in mispronouncing.)