Poetry Post

In spite of the encouragement of most of my readers, I still write poetry from time to time. So here’s a bit of the backlog – poems that (unjustly) never made it to publication.

Dear Teacher

by Headley Hauser

I did not do the assignment

I am existentially challenged

I am unable to take a stand

On the issue of my being

If I stipulate my existence

I would have to consider my environment

And other beings in it

The moral implication staggers

It’s not just a matter of doing the hokey-pokey

And turning yourself around

It’s what it’s all about

If anyone’s interested, no, that excuse didn’t fly. The next poem’s about some people I spend a great deal of time with.

Heart Friends

by Headley Hauser

Pauline’s not very bright

Ben’s unlucky

But Michelle’s a bitch

It great

That Microsoft gives me friends

I can insult

As I play them in Hearts

I’ve spent many hours

With these buddies

If they resent

That I walk out on games I’m losing

They’ve never shown it

Of course

They also lack the decency

To look embarrassed when I skunk them

I guess

No friends are perfect

Friendships are hard to come by – especially for me. I wonder why that is?

I Don’t Remember Your Name

by Headley Hauser

I may be a closet misanthrope

But I think it’s just

The way my mind works

Or doesn’t work

Like when I’m playing the hand drum

When I think about it

I screw up

The memory’s an amazing thing

I heard that somewhere

I just don’t remember where

I used to be in plays

I’d remember dozens of lines

And songs

Word perfect

But a face

And a name

Even after a dozen meetings

Rarely clicks

Am I lazy

Do I not care enough

Or like with the drum

Do I think about it too much

Worry

That great memory retardant

What do you think?

I’m sorry

What was your name again?

This last poem I wrote for a friend of mine. I don’t remember her name. She was discussing the correct use of lie, lay, and lain with some other folks.

The English Lesson

by Headley Hauser

Larry lay some soap of lye

A rose sink to clean fore beddy-bye

As he did lie he heard a lay

For a ring did sing, what did it say?

"Come lay that lye upon the sink

And scrub off layers back to pink

For layers will lie where they have lain

And as hygiene lies it seems insane

To lick or lap or take a drink

From a dingy layer laden sink"

But lazy Larry went beddy-bye

For he knew that rings on sinks do lie.

Don’t ask me about that last poem because I don’t understand it anymore. Here’s an interlude from one of my favorite Tick episodes: