1) I’ve watched
Miracle on 34th Street. The Postal Service knows their stuff.
2) Ralphie got his
bb-gun, didn’t he?
3) The sugar plums
may be gone, but their fruit flies are still dancing in my head.
4) Somebody had to
teach pirates that ho-ho-ho thing.
5) My neighbor
claims he winged him once skeet shooting.
6) Mrs. Claus is a
serious babe! I know that’s not a reason, but I’m just sayin’.
7) 1.3 billion
Muslims can’t be wrong… Say what?... Okay, my bad on that one.
8) Somebody keeps
eating my Christmas cookies.
9) MIB (Men in
Black) derives from MIR - his corps of elite elves tracking down
delinquent misfit toys.
10) There’s
festive red and green mold growing on my tile grout.
11) Santa’s a man
that’s 150 pounds overweight who constantly eats cookies and candy
and drinks eggnog. He exercises only one day a year, and is hundreds
of years old. He represents the hope held by many lazy middle-aged
Americans that the AMA is full of crap.
12) Will Ferrell has
never lied to me.
13) The Tick Loves
Santa.
14) That bag of
flaming reindeer poop he left at my door.
15) According to
WikiLeaks, last year the NSA seized Santa’s “he knows when you
are sleeping; he knows when you’re awake; he knows when you’ve
been bad or good” files.
16) Hanukkah Harry.
17) I just saw him
outside the mall yesterday.
18) Who else do you
think delivers all those presents? The Tooth Fairy can barely lift a
dollar coin.
19) Mr. Adam’s
garden gnomes say there are consequences for Santa doubters.
What’s that you
say? That’s only 19? What are you, the Christmas blog
fact-checker? Number 20 doesn’t need any words from me.
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