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Monday, December 8, 2014

Twenty-five Lines My Friend's Wife Stole

So a friend sent me this email, and he's a writer, so I asked him if I could steal it for my blog (because what I was going to post today was really... less than optimal.) It turns out he didn't write it. His wife stole it from someone else, and he wants to know who it was who actually wrote it. Of course, the legally safe route is not to post this because the writer might sue me.
But then I'd know who the writer is! It's kind of brilliant – especially as I'm low on Pop Tarts and so there's very little I can be sued for.
So here it is. If you don't like it – don't sue me, sue whoever it was that wrote it – then tell who she/he is.

Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light!


1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

10.... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

19.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

20..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

21.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

22.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

23.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

24.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

25.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

And now a video I don't know who wrote either.