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Monday, December 22, 2014

Dear Santa


Dear Santa:
   It's okay that you didn't bring me what I asked for last Christmas.  I don't really know how much a metric ton is - it just sounded like a lot, and having that many Pop Tarts in your sled would probably give Donner a hernia anyway.
   Instead of adding to your paperwork this year, I thought you might want to see some of the paperwork I've run across lately.  Most of it has very little to do with Christmas, but I figure you're probably pretty tired of that stuff by now.
   Here's a Season's greeting I got from a politically correct friend on FB.
   I don't really know what politically correct means anymore, (nor does anyone else, I think,) but it's nice to know that while you, Baby Jesus, menorahs, and Kwanzaa stuff didn't make the cut, Rudolf's buddy the Abominable Snowman is still (temporarily) acceptable.
   People send me a lot of stuff about punctuation.  Did they have that back when you were in school?  It's something I don't do very well and I guess people think it's important.
   I don't get it - where else are you supposed to hunt pedestrians?
   This is why I avoid the doctor.
   If your name is John, any letter you're going to get is a dear John letter anyway.
   I know you'll be working all night on Wednesday.  Here's a helpful scribble someone sent me to help you stay awake.
   You don't want to nod off when traveling a million miles a second, or whatever it is you have to go to deliver toys to 2 billion households in one night.  Speaking of travel, here's a little home-make bingo card someone sent me.
  If you get bored you can play bingo with Dasher - or is it Blitzen you're closest to?  I know the order of your drive train, but no idea if it's front to back or back to front.
   You being kid oriented, I figured you might want to see a list from one that wasn't asking you for something.  Somebody sent me this answer from her kid's test.
   Pretty funny, huh?  This year's bears lost two games to NFC South teams, they couldn't eat a Green Bay cheese hat.
   Well that's it for me.  Bring some Pop Tarts on Wednesday if you remember and maybe we can pop in a movie if you've got the time.  You know what I'll be doing, writing novels and blog posts with visions of publishing deals dancing in my head.
   Merry Non-Denominational Winter-time Goings-on to you, Santa.
   Your friend, Headley.


   I don't know if you should put so much rum in your eggnog this year, Santa.