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Monday, December 15, 2014

Christmas Sweaters

   In one sense, Christmas sweaters were as much of a danger when I was a kid as they are today.  An aunt was almost certain to give you one.  You prayed you didn't get one from a grandmother, because grandparents ranked just behind parents and Santa in the possible big score category.
   But they weren't as big a danger in another way, because most - nearly all, Christmas sweaters looked a bit like this.
   It wasn't something you wanted to wear, but as every kid in the neighborhood had a couple much like it - it wasn't too embarrassing being seen in it.  Time has brought diversity to the Christmas sweater, and diversity, while it might constitute progress in some things, has only increased the horror of the Christmas sweater.
Why do they want me to look like the front door?
Fireplace - yeah, I can think of something I'd like to burn.
Really?  You really want me to go out in this?
Whadayamean, lousy gift?  I made this myself.
Not even the family pet is immune.
How many treats do I get for wearing this?
Are you smelling my Santa?
Say a word and I bite your leg off.
Cats should be exempt from such abuse
Does it really bring out my eyes?
One of the most disturbing trends is the 3-D sweater
Yes, I'm a Christmas tree - how much did you waste on this?
Yeah, we'll just mount it on a wall and pretend I shot Rudolph.
Rudolph's revenge
Great!  Now I expect the baby to arrive like Alien
Too much information
I'm the only Madonna fan in my Middle School
Of course for some people, it's a way of expressing themselves.
Let's go hunt down James Caan!
Reason for the season and all that crap
If I can just find someone drunk enough...
This might work too
I don't get it.
Looking for my beau
My worries about Christmas sweaters have passed along with my aunts and grandmothers, but if I did get one, I'd wouldn't want any half measures - make it as ugly as possible.
That otta do it.

For the five people who haven't seen this yet.