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Monday, January 26, 2015

200 Reasons I’m Still Just Plain Stupid


Those of you keeping track, (or those that can do the quick math from the column on the right,) are aware that this is the 200th blog post for Just Plain Stupid. 200 useless amalgamations of pixels spit up on the digital cosmos.
I couldn’t have done it without you. So let’s get sentimental and cheesy before the NSA, Vladimir Putin, ISIS, the Disney Corporation, or Starbucks shuts this blog down.
Among all the garbage I've spewed in the last two years, a few slimy nuggets have clung to a surprising number of computers and phones across the globe. My series of creepy things has had several hundred hits, particularly the ones about Diane Keaton
 and Neil Diamond.
 Surprisingly popular was the case I made to change the word ‘off’ to ‘foo,’
 though I suspect that most of the hits were by disappointed fans of Foo Fighters. Excerpts from Trouble in Taos
have gathered thousands of reads, though sadly not as many sales on Amazon.  Even less success with Volition Man.
But the Big Kahuna of all my posts has been Basketball, BWG, but no Little Debbie.
 Almost half of all the hits this blog has received were on that post. Did ESPN think I was really talking sports and link it? Did the Lawyers of Little Debbie hope to bring a service denial shut down of blogspot?
I like to think it was the parody of Little Debbie done to the tune of the Candyman. Parodies frequently do well on this blog, like the parody of Starbucks to the tune of Downtown,
 the one of Gandhi to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,
 or the medley of Christmas Carol parodies in 
Not all parodies prosper. 
 My tribute to the Car Talk guys to the tune of Under the Boardwalk
My Little Loose Glute parodying my fitness struggles to the tune of Little Deuce Coup,
 and The Ballad of Gypsy’s Clean Floor to the tune of the Theme to Gilligan’s Island never got much interest.
Go Figure.
Come to think of it, posts that fail have been much more common than those that succeed. Even some posts that I thought deserved better like,
The Bear is Back,
Headley Who and How,
Annoying Things,
Helix (the Cat), and poor little
  O – I’ll Just Have that garnered only 4 hits.
Of course Stanley McFarland’s guest post, Truly
also got only 4 hits, but I think we can understand why on that one. He’s still trying to get me to post his poem, Garumplephink, but so far I think I've spared you that indignity (though it’s getting hard to keep track of which indignities I’ve foisted upon you and which I haven’t.)

So this is the point where I should make a commitment to give you even better, high quality entertainment in the year to come – to create (and steal) the most fascinating and hysterical content for your blog viewing pleasure.
Not gonna happen. But for the moment, I will continue to throw gobbets of my imagination into our increasingly disgusting cyberspace in an attempt to sell my pathetic novels and live comfortably with a reliable supply of Pop Tarts.

Because that’s what you've come to expect from Just Plain Stupid.

And now, for no reason I can think of - The Llama Song